Tag Archives: sexual identity

The Sexualtiy Box……

I recently heard of a 14 year old girl that “came out” to her mother as  pan-sexual.  How does a 14 year old know more about being pan-sexual than most adults? And where did she learn that from? What is she learning in the school? And why has our society become so sex obsessed? What is pan-sexual?  And why doesn’t the definition make any sense?   School is for learning and preparation for the future. Why aren’t more American kids coming out of school prepared? They can tell you everything about sex but can’t  spell a simple word, don’t know geography, and don’t let me get started on math.  I’m not saying this is true of all American students but its true for quite a bit. Why should kids be educated on sexuality when most can’t spell the word or understand the meaning? Childhood is fleeting. You have your whole life to worry about sex, and sexuality why put yourself in a box at such a young age? I feel sorry towards the generations coming after me; they are truly in trouble if their concern is sex and gender based.

On a very basic biological level scientists use our DNA to identify us. And what can DNA tell us? It can tell us whether the individual is male or female, xx or xy. DNA can tell us about hair color, eye color, diseases and a few other very basic things.

DNA is the most scientific way to identify a person. It doesn’t tell you much, but it tells you about the biological make up of a person. And from DNA we learn that a person on a biological level can only be male or female.  If biologically a person can only be male or female then why are some people determined to undermine science and nature to   create new genders?   Why does Facebook now have 51 different genders? In the beginning God created man and woman. Biologically and  scientifically there is only  male and female.  Gender does not only encompass one’s feelings about their gender but it encompasses the physical attributes as well. For example, when a baby is born they tell you “Congratulations it’s a boy by looking between the baby’s legs and seeing the penis, or if they see a vagina they say “it’s a girl,” should we wait to differentiate the sex of babies until they can tell us how they feel?    At the end of the day if you left behind DNA the only thing one  could tell about your identity as far as sex, is whether you are a male or female. That is the truth and that is reality.

But the point of  this blog is not to argue about being male or female. It’s to tell people that your sexuality, sexual identity and sexual preference do not define who you are.  You are more than who you’re attracted to, and  you are more than what you choose to do with your genitals. Why put yourself in a box?  Being pan-sexual, transsexual, homosexual, bi sexual, heterosexual and whatever other sexual there is out there is a very tiny aspect of who you are, at least it should be. Your sexuality should not define you. There is more to life than living and functioning solely based on your sexuality.

What legacy are you going to leave behind?  What are your goals? What are your dreams? What are you passionate about?  What type of a person are you? What characteristics define you? These things  play a bigger role in one’s identity than sexuality alone. There are too many people trapped in the web of using sexuality to identify themselves.  Why do you need the acceptance of others? I wonder if it’s because you have a hard time accepting yourself  and sexual choices.  And if you can’t accept yourself, or the choices you’re making maybe you’re making the wrong choice and you’re not so sure about who you are.

The most important thing I have to share. God loves you just as you are in this very moment. He loves you  the homosexual, the transgender, the pan-sexual, the heterosexual or whatever else it you identify yourself as. He wants you to come as you are. He truly wants to have a relationship with you, and He sees you for who you are aside from your sexuality and gender identification. God will meet you where are you. He didn’t just die for the “normal” or what society thinks is normal and good He died for everybody.  He loves you, He loves you so much, and I hope that today You would encounter the love of God.  And guess what even if you don’t choose Him, or believe in Him He still loves you.

So I ask again, who are you?  Setting aside your sexuality, even your gender, you are most definitely human.  And being human means that you are made in the image of the living God, and He has a much bigger plan and purpose for your life outside of your sexuality.

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To Sluttiness, To Love, and To Happiness

I do everything backwards and in no order especially when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex. My boyfriend of almost 7 years saw my half naked pictures before we met as did everyone on myspace,( this was back in 2008 when myspace was a thing). He said hello to my bright green thong before he got a chance to say hello to me, and we introduced private parts before we had our first date. I was lonely and bored in a new state, our  meeting was just supposed to be a casual encounter, I never thought that  one night of sluttiness  would turn into 6 years of love and happiness.

I grew up in a  Christian home. I was taught that sex before marriage is a sin, one of the worst sins because it is a sin against the body. Despite what I knew about sex  I ended up having a lot of it with a lot of  people. I was the “good time” girl, I was easy, the slut, I was often accused of changing boys as regularly as I changed my underwear. By Christians and non christians I was persecuted because of my promiscuity. Isn’t what I do with what’s between my legs my business? The girls treated me like I was a disease, I was often the subject of name calling and bullying. The guys however flocked to me like moths to light, they protected me from the girls who often threatened to beat me up, they skipped school with me when I needed to escape,some even tried to save me from my sluttiness by offering me a relationship, but I refused.

For me, being slutty was just too much fun. It was my escape from reality, sex could be so mind numbing and that was exactly what I wanted. I was shallow,  appeared to be cold hearted and unattached so casual sex seemed like the right fit for me. A lot of my friends told me I would make a good prostitute because I never got attached to any of  the numerous guys I slept with. I was accused by male and female alike of having no feelings, and not being “human.” In my book Casual Sex is for the Shallow I explain why being shallow and unattached when engaging in casual sex is the best method. I treated guys like monkey bars, I held onto one while moving onto another. Being a slut was easy for me, it required very little  physical,mental and emotional  effort. By sleeping around I would not have to deal with the “relationship doom” that was often loomed over my head. Because  of my many sexcapades, and my revealing attire I was told the same mantra  over and over and over again, “No one would be able to love a slut like me, the only reason any man would have a relationship with me would be for sex, and  as long as I have sex with men I would never get married.”  Why have a relationship if all that was ahead of me was heartbreak,rejection, and loneliness?

But then one night I saw his profile on myspace. It was his smile, it was  warm, he was so handsome, and out of all the friend requests and messages from random guys I chose to reach out to the guy with the handsome smile. When he met me at 18  I was a slut. I didn’t know what to do with a guy besides have sex.  I did not know what to talk about besides sex and my appearance.  I could not comprehend that he could like me for more than my appearance, I could not understand why he would want to be around me without having sex. And when he said that he hated to hear my “whore- rror” stories, was when it hit me that my choice of sleeping around before I met him and during the breaks in our relationship not only affected me but affected him as well.

I used to cry in his chest out of regret from my past choices. And I wondered if I hadn’t been a slut would I have met such a wonderful man?  If I had not been trolling for men on myspace  that night would I have met him? It was my sluttiness that brought us together and I love him all the more for accepting me for who I am and looking past my sexual history.

Despite what people may say, whether you are promiscuous, an escort, a stripper or a porn star there is someone out there who will love you. Sleeping around does not sentence you to a life of loneliness and disparity. For the women out there that do things backwards like me, here’s to sluttiness, to love and to happiness.

Author’s note: I am not promoting casual sex or promiscuity, I’m simply sharing my story hoping to encourage women that no matter what your sex life there exists hope, love and happiness.

cropped-cropped-cropped-cropped-cropped-cropped-cropped-cropped-cropped-chalk211.jpg   HAPPY READING 🙂