Tag Archives: Sexology

Pussy Power

I don’t mean to pop your bubble but, if you are walking around with your head in the clouds  thinking that you have super pussy powers, you are sadly mistaken. Guess what? All women have vaginas. Sure they may look different, and smell different, but they all have the same function. What makes yours better than anyone else’s?

I have seen women’s faces light up because some man told them that they had the best pussy he has ever had – that  their pussy is so tight. Guess what? Every woman’s vagina is tight. Men know that by lying to you, and telling you that you have pussy power, you will feel good about yourself, and your legs will stay open a little while longer. I don’t know who came up with the term pussy power, but whoever it was, did women a huge disservice. Pussy power does not mean that you are powerful. Stop personalizing it.

When it comes  to casual sex, it’s all about the vagina, not you the person as a whole. Nothing is personal about casual sex. But how can that be? When’s he’s kissing you, touching you, telling you he’s the best he’s ever had, saying you’re his, and your pussy is his, you can’t help but take it personally. Feelings are not always reality.Sex is powerful, not you. Women tend to personalize sex, that is why sexual rejection feels like they are being rejected in their entirety.

All of the power is gone when he starts to make you question your beauty, and self-worth. The power is gone when you are willing to do anything to feel like you are in control, and it is gone when you do things you don’t feel comfortable with to get that affirmation. When a woman uses sex for power she is a puppet being jerked around by the very person she wants to control. What happens when he does not want to have sex with you again? Does that mean you are inadequate? You are not worth keeping? What happens when he doesn’t validate your worth?  How does that make you feel?  What if every man you have sex with never talks to you again? Do you still think that you have pussy power? In the world of casual sex and one night stands, the woman is a powerless replaceable commodity.

Your vagina is not powerful, but you are. A man can get sex from any woman who is willing and able, but there is only one you. You, woman, are a powerful vessel.

The Cycle of Casual Sex and Sexual Rejection

Anytime you have sex with a man, you are sharing  yourself with that man. You cannot erase the memory of his penis from your vagina, and you cannot take back the bodily fluids that you shared with him. With casual sex, no strings attached doesn’t exist. Imagine if you had a one night stand with some random guy and two months later you saw him at your job or in your class, you both share the knowledge that you had sex. Now, having sex with him may not mean anything to him or to you, but the simple fact that you both introduced your private parts to each other is a string enough.

How does one get stuck in the cycle of casual sex and  sexual rejection?

Sexual rejection is usually what sends women flying, panties down into casual sex.  I will use myself as example and maybe some of you can relate.

I was a young teenager when I first started having casual sex. For some reason I had a crush on this fat guy who was ashamed to be seen with me in public. Thank God, I can laugh about it now. Anyways, making a long story short, we had sex and two weeks later he told me not to contact him. Ouch! Not to mention that he was the first guy I had sex with.

I felt as if something was wrong with me sexually. Was I not attractive enough? Was something wrong with my vagina? Were my breasts too small? Physically, something had to be wrong with me. I mean he didn’t know me, we never even kissed, even after we had sex. I had to prove to myself and to him that I was normal, that even though he didn’t want me that other men would.  I thought that if other men had sex with me and wanted me that I would be sticking it to him in some way. And he would be full of regret and would want me.

I started having sex with a lot of different men, and I even found a way to keep them coming back, many wanting a relationship. I thought that would assuage the hurt I felt over my first sexual encounter, but it didn’t.

Because I never wanted to feel the loneliness of rejection, I started sleeping with multiple men at the same time. Here I was, going from man to man,like a girl swinging from monkey bar to monkey bar. I went to school with some, some were my friends’ brothers – they were everywhere. I couldn’t stop sleeping with them even if I wanted too because, I never wanted to feel thrown away, tossed aside, or rejected again. Luckily for me, I didn’t have to deal with rejection after that first time, and even if I did, I had become so emotionally callous that I could not feel a thing. If I was rejected, I always had another man around that I could latch on to.

That first time I was rejected sexually sent me spiraling down into a very unfulfilled world of casual sex. Being so young, I could not understand that there was nothing wrong with me. Having sex with a random guy is a quick fix to a broken heart, or injured self-esteem, but it is just a band aid effect. Sex just numbs the hurt for a little while. By sleeping around you are creating an even bigger problem

Casual sex and sexual rejection go hand in hand. The cycle can be hard to recognize and hard to break.

There is hope, life and love after casual sex and sexual rejection. Sex does not define who you are and what you are worth.

Casual Sex

 Casual sex does not exist.

A foreign penis in your vagina is not casual. Swapping bacteria from a stranger’s mouth is not casual. Seeing someone naked before you know his last name is not casual.

 Sex is the farthest thing from casual. It is far from superficial, even though it might appear that way. The physical aspect is just one part of sex, the obvious part, but there is an emotional side to it as well. It requires sharing a part of yourself with someone else.

A penis is like a needle that pierces through the emotional walls kept deep inside of you. It can be the hand that caresses your soul or it can become your painful prison.  The penis can be the thing that makes you forget about your boring reality, or that dick can take you on a power trip. Be it, what it may, experiencing all these types of emotions because of the insertion of one sharp object is not casual.

Sex is a close, intimate experience –  it’s the closest anyone can ever get to you.  You don’t accidentally fall onto someone’s penis do you?  Someone penetrating your vagina is an action that is done with serious intent; whether the intent be pure physical gratification or out of love for the other person. Sex is always an action done with intent.

Is an activity that can cause so much physical trauma and serious emotional upset really that casual??

More on Casual Sex in my book Casual Sex is for the Shallow.

I don’t think so. But don’t take my word for it, ask the millions of women out there with low self-esteem, no self-worth, depression, STI’s, that have to fit the fifty dollar bill for plan b alone, or the ones that have had twelve sexual partners and have never been on a first date.  There is nothing casual about sex.