Tag Archives: Infidelity

Patriarchal Pornography

“If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.” Mathew 5:9

As a woman I am offended when I hear other women making excuses for their husbands and boyfriends infidelity or use of pornography. Why is the woman always at fault? I overheard a conversation between two married women. One kept pointing out that men need sex, and when a woman is not fulfilling her role in the bedroom it drives him to porn. Well women need sex too, maybe even more than a man does. The vagina has so many different pleasure points, and our orgasms are more intense. I have never heard a woman say well my “man” isn’t satisfying me so I am going to whip out my turbo vibrator and 12 inch dildo and watch Big Dick porn. When are women going to let men take accountability for their actions?

I hear that excuse all the time. That is not reason enough for me. Let’s face it we all need to get off. Men have a strong sex drive but so do women. And I am not talking about single men; I am referring to men who get “the pussy” served to them on a platter every night or at least some nights. Whatever happened to self control? Whatever happened to being a team? Whatever happened to selflessness? And for the women who blame and condemn their other female counter parts for going to bed in baggy clothes and not feeding their husbands appetites pray that it does not happen to you. Do you think she wants an obtrusive penis inside her when she knows her husband’s been jacking his dick to the images of another woman’s vagina and butt hole? Do you think she wants his hands that have imagined caressing another woman around her? Do you think she wants to share her nakedness with someone who pays to go to the strip club and look at pornography? Would you? Would you want that man touching you after seeing the images of what he pleasures himself too?

Where is the respect? Stop blaming women. Stop blaming her because of what she is wearing or what she’s not. Stop blaming her for being drunk. Stop blaming her for being naive and trusting. Stop blaming her for being human and not a sex toy. Stop blaming women for men’s shortcomings.

If you are having  an intimacy problem pornography, strip clubs and affairs make it worse. If you want to better your sex life then you need to better the emotional aspect of the relationship. Instead of hoping on Ashley Madison or porn sites, ask her, ask her why she does not want to sleep with you. Tell her I want to try new positions. Communicate with your partner. Using lack of sex or lack of her sexiness as an excuse for watching porn is just going lead to you using your hand more and losing intimacy with your partner.
If you have a problem with lust and porn it’s your problem, your fault and not your partners. How about blocking the porn from your computer? How about not to the strip club?

If your eye is causing you to sin, to stray then fix your eye. Don’t blame the porn that you’re looking at and the wife or girlfriend that you’re not looking at, blame yourself. Only you can fix you.

I want to add that all the destruction, all the damage and pain that pornography causes in your relationships God can heal. There is hope, happiness and love for you too.

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Grace

I am not one to comment on “celebrity” stuff but in this case I felt compelled to.

By now I am sure that most people have read about the Joshua Duggar scandal. I read his letter of apology not only to his family but to his fellow Christians as well.  I would hope that as Christians we would all show this young man grace. This scandal is one of two that have followed the idealized Christian Duggar family.

Instead of seeing failure, shame and hypocrisy I see human beings. Christians are humans too, and like everyone else we sin. Like everyone else we struggle with sin. I have heard people condemn Josh Duggar, and question his salvation. Josh Duggar suffers from a human condition that we all suffer with, something innate in us from the day that we are born. Sin. The potential for sin is in all of us, Christian and non Christian alike. We all have the potential to steal, to lie, to be a glutton, to fornicate, to practice homosexuality, it is in us. For those of us who know better because of our parents or because God Himself has convicted us we must remember to show grace because it through grace that we have been saved.

I am a Christian. But for almost a decade of my life I struggled with sin. If you have read my blog you may know that I was involved in a casual sex lifestyle. I used to tell my partners about God. I was a hypocrite but hypocrisy is part of the human condition at one point or another we are all guilty of it. I prayed and prayed for years for God to help me because there were times I wanted to stop. I prayed and I prayed, I read my bible but I still fell back into sleeping around. My transformation was not overnight, it was not an instant fix. It was a long and arduous journey. It took time and I am still a work in progress. As the song says “Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me I once was lost but now am found was blind but now I see.” Only God can take someone like myself so broken, ugly and damaged by sin and transform me into someone whole, beautiful and complete in Him.

God can turn this situation around for Josh Duggar. God can use him as a vessel to testify and to help other men that struggle with infidelity and pornography. This ugly situation can be transformed and that is our hope in God. I hope in a God that makes the impossible possible. I hope in a God that came to save the likes of me a very sick woman, that of Josh Duggar and countless of others.
If God can take the apostle Paul, a man who persecuted Christians and turn him into a stalwart of the faith, just imagine what God can do for you. With this post Christian or not I hope that in your life you will practice showing others grace.

“What can wash away my sin,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus,
What can make me whole again,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus,
Oh precious is the flow that makes me white as snow, Oh,
No other fount I know, Nothing but the blood of Jesus.”

Robert Lowry