Tag Archives: God

God loves you

Good Morning,

I would be doing an injustice on this blog if I didn’t mention the love of God.  God loves you. He wants you. He understands you.  He wants to save you from your sin and your  suffering and give you peace. Perhaps by saying this I am reminding myself of the love God has for me.

I’ve been at the very bottom. Struggling since I can remember with self worth, struggling with abusing my body, and abusing my mind even today. Sin has had a strong hold but in Christ I know I am free.

How could God love a vile person such as me? Well,He just does. Jesus loves me and He loves you too. His love is free, you don’t have to earn it, you don’t have to starve yourself for it, or cut yourself, or be abused, you don’t need to be beautiful to get it, He just loves you and me.   Because Jesus suffered and died for my sins I do not have to have to punish myself, I do not have to be weighed down by guilt. In Jesus Christ I am free and you can be too.

We are looking for love. Looking for acceptance.  Some of us looking for riches, for fame. We all want validation. But that is the hunger and the thirst  that our souls have for God. We feel if we have love from a man it will satisfy our longings, ease the ache in our chest, and give us peace. But you can have a good man and still be uneasy ,still be discontent, still feel empty because no man will ever love you the way that God loves you and no man can give you what God can.

Men will leave you, they disappoint you but God has always been there. He’s been there even in those times when you have felt alone. The times you feel used, ugly, worthless, the times you clinged shamelessly to a person that doesn’t want you anymore. God has been there. He’s been there when you’ve cried into your pillow, when you have self- destructed. God has been there. He’s always been there because God is love and He loves you.

The best advice I would give to anyone struggling with life, with themselves, is to cry out to God. Cry to Jesus. He’s there no matter what you have done, are doing or where you are or where you have been.  He wants to love you and He accepts you . Only God can take the ugliness of our sin and make it into something beautiful. God Bless you.

Casual Sex and Daddy Issues

Back in the day, when I dabbled in escorting the guy I was working for  asked me to call him daddy, which I thought was weird and strange. I could not bring myself to do it, neither could I accept the fact that he preferred to call me bitch over my real name. Maybe if I had lacked the presence of a father figure in my life, or had a really screwed up relationship with my dad, I would have remained under his thumb. The point is a father does not give you something that you do not already have within yourself, he just helps you discover things about yourself. With or without a dad  you are a complete person.

Casual sex sometimes is a symptom of a  much deeper desire. It is a layer that sometimes, masks insecurity, abandonment, low self- esteem and various other problems. A boyfriend, a friend with benefits, a husband, or whatever guy you plug into your life cannot replace the role of your father in your life.  In the same breadth, the way your father treated you does not define your self-worth or who you are.

I have a friend and she is absolutely gorgeous. She shines like the sun on a bright hot summer day. Sadly, I have seen this woman cry endlessly over men that were never worth the tears. She was grieving, mourning the loss of something far more important than a casual tryst or a lost friendship. I realized that she was mourning the loss of her father.  All those other men were just temporary replacements trying to fill an imaginary void that was created by her absentee father. Maybe if she could get them to stay, maybe then she thought she would see that she was good enough.

Rejection can feel like a death. The man that was supposed to love her, walked out of her life, not permanently but from my knowledge he popped in and out of her life like a cold sore. One of the closest people to her, the man who was  physically part of her tossed her aside.

I believe that the rejection from her father severely injured her self-esteem. It was that much easier to fall into casual relationships with the expectation of wanting more but with the fear of rejection looming close behind.

“If your own daddy doesn’t want you who else will?”  “

If your father could leave you why won’t the next man? “

“ You were not worth keeping, you were not worth loving, you were not worth trying for, you my dear were  just not good enough.” These are just painful examples of some of those negative thoughts that can lead a woman into the cycle of casual sex and sexual rejection.

I remember looking into her big beautiful brown eyes that were glazed over with tears, and she told me she was not good enough. Often times rejection can make us feel like we are not good enough or worth it. I wish I could tell her how precious she really is and know for sure that she would believe it. Everyone is worth loving, and everyone deserves love. I hope that she can understand that her father leaving had nothing to do with her value. And I would tell her that making her dad stay or keeping all those unworthy men around does not make her worth more or less than she already is.

I am dedicating this post to you. A woman that I have learnt so much from. The woman that has inspired me to help other women find healing, and find healing myself. You are  worth it. You are worth the tears, the waiting, and the late nights. You deserve the best

 Your daddy cannot remove the ache or void you feel in your chest. He cannot satisfy the desire for unconditional love that you crave. He cannot hand you self-esteem or self-worth in a gift wrapped box, sure he can help you discover it, but he is just a man ,and he’s only human.  For all the ladies out there who had a deadbeat dad, or an absentee father, I want you to know that you were bought with a price. And whether you believe in God or not He still loves you and He still wants you and that alone in itself gives you worth.