Category Archives: Single Sexuality

Why I Wrote Casual Sex Is For the Shallow

I wrote this guide because I found myself surrounded by broken hearted women and if I wasn’t surrounded by them my sister was, or my friends were. So many women hurt over sex, and what some man did to them; wanting, yearning, going crazy almost in an attempt to understand why, why not them? Why did this man choose to treat them this way and not someone else? Why had they had three or more sexual partners and no relationship? Why was he ignoring them? Why couldn’t they get over him?
In today’s society women are saturated with the shallow woman’s superficial story. Hollywood makes it look so easy: this beautiful woman has a one night stand and the guy ends up marrying her. Or she’s sleeping around with multiple partners and she has no emotional, relational or psychological issues. I wanted to use examples of women engaging in casual sex that are not represented because casual sex often times does not have a fairy tale ending. 

For some women this is real life. Theses are questions they are faced with daily. How do they answer these question?  The best thing is education, having a conversation about casual sex. Not every woman understands that casual sex is casual sex, some don’t know the meaning of  casual sex. If a woman feels rejected after a one night stand, or her friend with benefits end their arrangement and she feels hurt does that make her immature and unintelligent? No, its normal especially as a woman to experience emotional attachments especially when engaging in c sex of any kind, it  is normal to feel rejected . Having emotions and getting attached is part of being human and being able to express them in a healthy way is normal.

Women need something that will protect their minds as well as their bodies and my book is is. Happy Reading!

 

Deconstructing the Myth: True Love Waits

If true love waits then my boyfriend of 7 years must not love me. If true love waits then my co worker who married her live in boyfriend must not really be loved. If true love waits then my manager who lived with her husband for years before tying the knot, will surely end up divorced because her husband does not truly love her. If true love waits then I should just forget about love because when it comes to sex I have a hard time saying no. If true love waits then you are saying that there is only way to love a woman which is by abstaining from sex. I guess youre saying that your way of loving is better than mine.  But then again you sound no better than the guy  that bullies me into having sex because he wants me to prove my love for him , you’re just trying to scare me into doing what you want by calling it true love.

I hate to burst your bubble but waiting until marriage does not make your husband love you anymore or any less than the next woman like myself who gave it up the first time she met her husband to be. Waiting until marriage does not mean that you will have years of marital bliss ahead of you. And if you are wondering why, sex is not the reason why my boyfriend and I have not tied the knot yet, having sex before marriage is not the reason those other couples broke up, and by practicing your chastity it won’t be the reason why you and your husband stay married or not.

If I believed this half truth, scare tactic, purity mantra, then I would have stayed believing that I was incapable of  being loved, that my relationships were never going to last all because of sex. Those three words made me second guess love that was given freely to me, those 3 words made me insecure about my relationships with men, those three words enslaved me, for years believing that the only way a man could show his love for me was by not having sex with me until I was married. But I have experienced freedom, knowing that I can have sex outside of marriage and be loved, that I can have sex while married and be loved.

I dont have a daughter, but I am a daughter, and “ True love waits” did not prevent me from having sex. And when I had sex and realized I could be loved, I felt deceived.

The motivation behind abstaining from sex should not be the expectation of receiving “true love,” and the motivation behind having sex whether it be casual sex, or sex in a relationship should not be love. Sex or lack there of does not guarantee love.

Authors Note: True love waits has nothing to do with being a Christian. God never said to experience love you must wait to be married. Sex outside of marriage is a sin, that is what is stated in the Bible. Honoring God should be the driving force to wait to have sex, not true love from a man.

The Difference Between A One Night Stand and Casual Sex

Sleeping Around

Sleeping around is inclusive of a one night stand and casual sex.Unlike casual sex a one night stand lasts only for one night. The expectation behind a one night stand is the hope of never seeing that person again. Casual sex is a sexual relationship without the commitment. With casual sex there is no time limit on how long this type of “ relationship” lasts.

One Night Stand

I have had very few one night stands. With a one night stand  you never have to worry about seeing that person in class,at work or elsewhere. It’s easy not to care when you don’t know the person’s name, or who they are. I would advise against having a one night stand with someone you know, a friend, a coworker, a class mate, or someone you like. One word, AWKWARD. Excuse my callousness, but I could never understand how some women cry over one night stands. Why are they crying over someone they didn’t know? And if that person was a friend or someone close to them what did they expect to come out of one night of sex? That is the harsh reality of the situation, it’s as simple and as black and white.

Casual Sex

Casual sex  is a lot more messy. Casual sex is the grey area between a one night stand and a relationship.There are lots of “strings” to sort through. With casual sex the risks are just as high because, let’s be honest sleeping around is a high risk behavior but with casual sex your feelings are more likely to get hurt. Casual sex is a sexual relationship that is superficially focused and devoid of emotion, that’s in the short the definition of what is but in reality it’s not.With casual it’s easy to be fooled into thinking that this sexually focused relationship has the potential to grow.  A lot more women have the expectation of a commitment with casual sex.

These behaviors should all be done with intent. It is not wise to have sex passively in any situation and its even worse when it is with a stranger, or with someone who does not, and cannot give you the emotional support that you need.


Sleeping around does not just happen,you don’t just fall on some guys’s random dick it is a  conscious choice.

My First Book : Casual Sex Is For the Shallow

Casual Sex is for the Shallow is a short guide for women on the good, the bad and the grey areas of casual sex. This guide does not mince words when it comes to explaining the reasons why your one night stand never called you back, why your friends with benefits arrangement ended with you in tears, and why the super vain, super shallow girl that you know always ends up with a boyfriend or date after her casual sex encounters. Casual Sex is for the Shallow explores the actual meaning behind the phrase “casual sex” and explores the anatomical as well the emotional aspects of sex. After reading this novelette the reader has the knowledge to make an informed choice about engaging in casual sex.

  • All you need to know about Casual Sex in less than 40 pages
  • Only Available on Amazon

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To Sluttiness, To Love, and To Happiness

I do everything backwards and in no order especially when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex. My boyfriend of almost 7 years saw my half naked pictures before we met as did everyone on myspace,( this was back in 2008 when myspace was a thing). He said hello to my bright green thong before he got a chance to say hello to me, and we introduced private parts before we had our first date. I was lonely and bored in a new state, our  meeting was just supposed to be a casual encounter, I never thought that  one night of sluttiness  would turn into 6 years of love and happiness.

I grew up in a  Christian home. I was taught that sex before marriage is a sin, one of the worst sins because it is a sin against the body. Despite what I knew about sex  I ended up having a lot of it with a lot of  people. I was the “good time” girl, I was easy, the slut, I was often accused of changing boys as regularly as I changed my underwear. By Christians and non christians I was persecuted because of my promiscuity. Isn’t what I do with what’s between my legs my business? The girls treated me like I was a disease, I was often the subject of name calling and bullying. The guys however flocked to me like moths to light, they protected me from the girls who often threatened to beat me up, they skipped school with me when I needed to escape,some even tried to save me from my sluttiness by offering me a relationship, but I refused.

For me, being slutty was just too much fun. It was my escape from reality, sex could be so mind numbing and that was exactly what I wanted. I was shallow,  appeared to be cold hearted and unattached so casual sex seemed like the right fit for me. A lot of my friends told me I would make a good prostitute because I never got attached to any of  the numerous guys I slept with. I was accused by male and female alike of having no feelings, and not being “human.” In my book Casual Sex is for the Shallow I explain why being shallow and unattached when engaging in casual sex is the best method. I treated guys like monkey bars, I held onto one while moving onto another. Being a slut was easy for me, it required very little  physical,mental and emotional  effort. By sleeping around I would not have to deal with the “relationship doom” that was often loomed over my head. Because  of my many sexcapades, and my revealing attire I was told the same mantra  over and over and over again, “No one would be able to love a slut like me, the only reason any man would have a relationship with me would be for sex, and  as long as I have sex with men I would never get married.”  Why have a relationship if all that was ahead of me was heartbreak,rejection, and loneliness?

But then one night I saw his profile on myspace. It was his smile, it was  warm, he was so handsome, and out of all the friend requests and messages from random guys I chose to reach out to the guy with the handsome smile. When he met me at 18  I was a slut. I didn’t know what to do with a guy besides have sex.  I did not know what to talk about besides sex and my appearance.  I could not comprehend that he could like me for more than my appearance, I could not understand why he would want to be around me without having sex. And when he said that he hated to hear my “whore- rror” stories, was when it hit me that my choice of sleeping around before I met him and during the breaks in our relationship not only affected me but affected him as well.

I used to cry in his chest out of regret from my past choices. And I wondered if I hadn’t been a slut would I have met such a wonderful man?  If I had not been trolling for men on myspace  that night would I have met him? It was my sluttiness that brought us together and I love him all the more for accepting me for who I am and looking past my sexual history.

Despite what people may say, whether you are promiscuous, an escort, a stripper or a porn star there is someone out there who will love you. Sleeping around does not sentence you to a life of loneliness and disparity. For the women out there that do things backwards like me, here’s to sluttiness, to love and to happiness.

Author’s note: I am not promoting casual sex or promiscuity, I’m simply sharing my story hoping to encourage women that no matter what your sex life there exists hope, love and happiness.

cropped-cropped-cropped-cropped-cropped-cropped-cropped-cropped-cropped-chalk211.jpg   HAPPY READING 🙂

 

Casual Sex is For the Shallow

I must have been born vain. From a child I always very meticulous about my appearance. I was a mean girl at 7, I remember sticking my tongue out at people that I thought in my childish mind were “ugly”. When I entered middle school I entered the awkward phase, I had silver metal braces, glasses, I was very skinny, and my clothes were far from fashionable. I was called four eyes, and brace face  the usual teeny bopper teasing. In those days I was a fly on the wall observing the interactions between the sexes. And then there was High School the place where I had my sexual awakening.

I had my first casual sex encounter in  highschool, it was in the boys bathroom by the weight room, I gave fellatio to a friend’s older brother. He was 18 and I was 14. I had a penis in my mouth before I had my first kiss. He told me that kissing would make me  get attached to him and he did not want that. He encouraged me to practice giving oral sex to other guys so that the next time we met up I would better at it. No one was supposed to know our secret. So why at 14 was I sucking this guys dick? It made me feel special, attractive, and in a twisted way  to my  immature  teenage mind doing this meaningless act of sucking his dick made me feel wanted. That same guy had sex with me,never kissed me and then rejected me.

Being a teenager  at the time I was destroyed, my self-esteem, and my self -worth was in ruins. Because of the secrecy of our “ relationship”  I could  not help shake the feeling that this guy was ashamed of me, and the only thing I could think of him being ashamed of was my appearance. I thought to myself, “I would never let another man make me feel that ugly,and  worthless way again.”  I decided to change the only thing I could change about myself, my appearance.

At that young age I could not understand rejection so after he rejected me, which I took as a complete and total rejection of my entirety I ditched the glasses, and started dressing in clothes that flattered my svelte frame. This change was my revenge on the guy who threw me a way like a used piece of toilet paper. I wanted him to see with his eyes what he was missing out on.  After my physical transformation I started getting a lot of male attention, and like most teenage girls that attention went straight to my head.  I started having casual sex with different guys because I had to prove to myself that there was nothing wrong with me sexually or otherwise.I used sex to validate my normality.As a teenager casual sex made me feel powerful, I had “pussy power”, I was indestructible, I was the center of attention as long I looked good.

I continued to engage in the casual sex lifestyle for 8 years, focusing solely on my appearance. Truthfully, casual sex for me  was not bad, it was not the worse thing that I could have done to myself. I always ended up dating the guys I had random sex with. I was never insecure about my appearance, in fact casual sex in  regards to my physical appearance was a great confidence booster. In the beginning it was fun, I was never lonely, there was a man for everyday of the week. After years of experience I finally realized the key to enjoying  casual sex for a woman, being shallow.

While comforting a friend after she had been rejected after engaging in casual sex, the harsh reality of casual sex smacked me in the face like a  paddle brush. If you are not attractive,  if you are not meticulously  groomed to perfection  casual sex is not for you because casual sex is shallow.  Of course I was rejected a few times, but for me and shallow women like myself (back then) rejection is a rarity .

I do not condone casual sex but I do want to set the record straight which I do in my book Casual Sex is for the Shallow. I am always hearing these extreme horror stories of casual sex  or the ones that seem to be out of touch with reality.  Engaging in casual sex will not ruin your  life, but there are risks involved, such as STD’s, pregnancy, and of course the emotional ups and downs.  I had casual sex from my teens to my twenties and I am fine because I knew that casual sex has no hidden meaning and no expectation behind it. I did not expect anything but a penis, I did not expect a relationship, a phone call,  or validation because I knew that  expectations are not allowed when you engage in a behavior that is void of commitment and emotion .I was able after some time to obtain a healthy relationship, and I learned how to love myself.  Casual sex  for me was habitual, it was my way of acting out it was a symptom of a much deeper rooted problem.Casual sex did not ruin my life. Anyone can have casual sex but in my opinion and with my experiences it is the shallow few that walk away from that lifestyle with their emotions in tact.

After being in a relationship,falling in love and being with the same man,I can honestly say that  casual sex is grossly unfulfilling.

 

Sex With Your Guy Friend: Excerpt from Casual Sex is For the Shallow

“If you were just friends before you introduced your vagina to his penis, you are still going to be friends after they have met. Sex complicates platonic relationships. Often times the woman is on the losing end of the stick. Sleeping with your male friend is the perfect situation for him. He doesn’t have to spend money or extra time on you, he doesn’t have to commit to you, he’s getting sex, and he gets to remain friends with you. Also, he can date and sleep with other women with a clear conscience because he does not have a relationship with you.

I have seen many women bitter, angry and hurt because the man they slept with denied sleeping with them. If that does not sound the alarm that he does not want a relationship, I don’t know what else will. Trying to prove, or make him admit that he had sex with you, is not going to get your worth or confidence back, nor is it going to take back the mutual sex that you had with him.”

Get educated about Casual Sex today by reading this short Guide on Casual Sex!
http://www.amazon.com/Casual-Sex-Shallow-Kelsey-Cowie-ebook/dp/B00MDKBNVK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1407455536&sr=8-1&keywords=casual+sex+is+for+the+shallow