Category Archives: Friends with Benefits

Why I Wrote Casual Sex Is For the Shallow

I wrote this guide because I found myself surrounded by broken hearted women and if I wasn’t surrounded by them my sister was, or my friends were. So many women hurt over sex, and what some man did to them; wanting, yearning, going crazy almost in an attempt to understand why, why not them? Why did this man choose to treat them this way and not someone else? Why had they had three or more sexual partners and no relationship? Why was he ignoring them? Why couldn’t they get over him?
In today’s society women are saturated with the shallow woman’s superficial story. Hollywood makes it look so easy: this beautiful woman has a one night stand and the guy ends up marrying her. Or she’s sleeping around with multiple partners and she has no emotional, relational or psychological issues. I wanted to use examples of women engaging in casual sex that are not represented because casual sex often times does not have a fairy tale ending. 

For some women this is real life. Theses are questions they are faced with daily. How do they answer these question?  The best thing is education, having a conversation about casual sex. Not every woman understands that casual sex is casual sex, some don’t know the meaning of  casual sex. If a woman feels rejected after a one night stand, or her friend with benefits end their arrangement and she feels hurt does that make her immature and unintelligent? No, its normal especially as a woman to experience emotional attachments especially when engaging in c sex of any kind, it  is normal to feel rejected . Having emotions and getting attached is part of being human and being able to express them in a healthy way is normal.

Women need something that will protect their minds as well as their bodies and my book is is. Happy Reading!

 

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My First Book : Casual Sex Is For the Shallow

Casual Sex is for the Shallow is a short guide for women on the good, the bad and the grey areas of casual sex. This guide does not mince words when it comes to explaining the reasons why your one night stand never called you back, why your friends with benefits arrangement ended with you in tears, and why the super vain, super shallow girl that you know always ends up with a boyfriend or date after her casual sex encounters. Casual Sex is for the Shallow explores the actual meaning behind the phrase “casual sex” and explores the anatomical as well the emotional aspects of sex. After reading this novelette the reader has the knowledge to make an informed choice about engaging in casual sex.

  • All you need to know about Casual Sex in less than 40 pages
  • Only Available on Amazon

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Loose Strings

I’m so numb I can’t feel for myself far less for anyone else at times. Being numb is how I survived.Having been sex worker for a short time and being as promiscuous as I was  people always assume that I was a cold, callous and a heartless woman. Of course I had to appear to be that way I had to look out for myself. Because I never felt inclined to end a casual relationship I have a lot of loose strings left hanging around.

These strings haunt me. I’m afraid to see them again. I don’t want them to see me, the girl that has scarred herself so deeply that the skin is raised, I don’t want them to see me the size 1 that is now a size 2-3, I don’t want them to see me weak and defenseless and human. Loving someone else made me sofer, loving myself made me softer too, and being loved made me desire the tenderness and comfort of a loving relationship. I don’t like showing just anyone that I am human.

My loose strings show up at my front door unexpectedly,they call me on the phone, and message me on facebook, I even see them in them in the supermarkets. Some leave me gifts and cards wanting to know why I just stopped communicating with them ? They seem to care so much and yet I care so little. I feel an inkling of compassion for some, those who have been there since the beginning, some were even better to me than my “actual friends.” But I don’t care enough to communicate with them, I make broken promises, I say I’ll text or call, I lie and say I’ve moved, and I don’t pick up the phone.

I thought casual sex was supposed to be no strings but that’s impossible isn’t it. I share common knowledge that with each individual one, it’s not something that plagues my mind, but its stored somewhere in the back of my brain. Maybe that’s why I don’t want to be found by any of them, I don’t want to experience this person’s xray vision remembering my body, the sounds I made, the way I felt, and the things I said. I don’t want to feel that shame that my boyfriend feels when he wonders what I guy have been with and what type of sex I had with them.

I made a rule to never date a guy had casual sex with and guess what? I’m sticking to it. I made one exception, he was the only exception and thankfully he was the right exception.

This to you, all of you, every single one of my loose strings, you’re mine because our memories belong to me. I know I will be the last one to forget even though I was the first to let go. I hope you find this one day when you’re older, when I’m a fading memory, when you have a daughter of your own then maybe you will understand why I treated you the way that I did :

I hate you, or something very close to hate. You disgust me, in fact I find you very repulsive.  I don’t want to be friends with you, nor do I want to talk to you. You could never keep that disgusting thing away from me, I hate how easily you showed me  your weakness.You are bothersome, why can’t you let you?  Why can’t you leave me alone? I used you for various reasons, sex included.  You are nothing but a shameful notch in my belt, and  one number out of many. I want to hurt you. I want to give you misery. I want to give you pain even though you did nothing to me that I didn’t want and if I didn’t want it I know I never bothered to mention. I don’t get rejected, I do the rejecting so stop getting in my way and preventing me from being happy. Forget me, my sex is the only thing you know about me anyway. But if this was just casual why do I feel uncomfortable letting you go? Why can’t I face you? I don’t want to be cruel so please leave me alone.

I shared this today on my blog because this is a reality of casual sex that needs to seen, this is not gold star sticker sex, this is not a fairytale, there is nothing casual about exchanging bodily fluids with someone else.You may be like me and never admit it, but I will admit  that I feel, I have feelings, I feel bad for hurting others and it hurts letting go of , and the regret hurts too.  I wanted to give my readers a peak into my mind when I was involved  in the  casual sex lifestyle, my feelings, and thoughts then and now. Casual sex is not a game there are very real consequences that follow you, some for the rest of your life.

 

 

Casual Sex is For the Shallow

I must have been born vain. From a child I always very meticulous about my appearance. I was a mean girl at 7, I remember sticking my tongue out at people that I thought in my childish mind were “ugly”. When I entered middle school I entered the awkward phase, I had silver metal braces, glasses, I was very skinny, and my clothes were far from fashionable. I was called four eyes, and brace face  the usual teeny bopper teasing. In those days I was a fly on the wall observing the interactions between the sexes. And then there was High School the place where I had my sexual awakening.

I had my first casual sex encounter in  highschool, it was in the boys bathroom by the weight room, I gave fellatio to a friend’s older brother. He was 18 and I was 14. I had a penis in my mouth before I had my first kiss. He told me that kissing would make me  get attached to him and he did not want that. He encouraged me to practice giving oral sex to other guys so that the next time we met up I would better at it. No one was supposed to know our secret. So why at 14 was I sucking this guys dick? It made me feel special, attractive, and in a twisted way  to my  immature  teenage mind doing this meaningless act of sucking his dick made me feel wanted. That same guy had sex with me,never kissed me and then rejected me.

Being a teenager  at the time I was destroyed, my self-esteem, and my self -worth was in ruins. Because of the secrecy of our “ relationship”  I could  not help shake the feeling that this guy was ashamed of me, and the only thing I could think of him being ashamed of was my appearance. I thought to myself, “I would never let another man make me feel that ugly,and  worthless way again.”  I decided to change the only thing I could change about myself, my appearance.

At that young age I could not understand rejection so after he rejected me, which I took as a complete and total rejection of my entirety I ditched the glasses, and started dressing in clothes that flattered my svelte frame. This change was my revenge on the guy who threw me a way like a used piece of toilet paper. I wanted him to see with his eyes what he was missing out on.  After my physical transformation I started getting a lot of male attention, and like most teenage girls that attention went straight to my head.  I started having casual sex with different guys because I had to prove to myself that there was nothing wrong with me sexually or otherwise.I used sex to validate my normality.As a teenager casual sex made me feel powerful, I had “pussy power”, I was indestructible, I was the center of attention as long I looked good.

I continued to engage in the casual sex lifestyle for 8 years, focusing solely on my appearance. Truthfully, casual sex for me  was not bad, it was not the worse thing that I could have done to myself. I always ended up dating the guys I had random sex with. I was never insecure about my appearance, in fact casual sex in  regards to my physical appearance was a great confidence booster. In the beginning it was fun, I was never lonely, there was a man for everyday of the week. After years of experience I finally realized the key to enjoying  casual sex for a woman, being shallow.

While comforting a friend after she had been rejected after engaging in casual sex, the harsh reality of casual sex smacked me in the face like a  paddle brush. If you are not attractive,  if you are not meticulously  groomed to perfection  casual sex is not for you because casual sex is shallow.  Of course I was rejected a few times, but for me and shallow women like myself (back then) rejection is a rarity .

I do not condone casual sex but I do want to set the record straight which I do in my book Casual Sex is for the Shallow. I am always hearing these extreme horror stories of casual sex  or the ones that seem to be out of touch with reality.  Engaging in casual sex will not ruin your  life, but there are risks involved, such as STD’s, pregnancy, and of course the emotional ups and downs.  I had casual sex from my teens to my twenties and I am fine because I knew that casual sex has no hidden meaning and no expectation behind it. I did not expect anything but a penis, I did not expect a relationship, a phone call,  or validation because I knew that  expectations are not allowed when you engage in a behavior that is void of commitment and emotion .I was able after some time to obtain a healthy relationship, and I learned how to love myself.  Casual sex  for me was habitual, it was my way of acting out it was a symptom of a much deeper rooted problem.Casual sex did not ruin my life. Anyone can have casual sex but in my opinion and with my experiences it is the shallow few that walk away from that lifestyle with their emotions in tact.

After being in a relationship,falling in love and being with the same man,I can honestly say that  casual sex is grossly unfulfilling.

 

Sex With Your Guy Friend: Excerpt from Casual Sex is For the Shallow

“If you were just friends before you introduced your vagina to his penis, you are still going to be friends after they have met. Sex complicates platonic relationships. Often times the woman is on the losing end of the stick. Sleeping with your male friend is the perfect situation for him. He doesn’t have to spend money or extra time on you, he doesn’t have to commit to you, he’s getting sex, and he gets to remain friends with you. Also, he can date and sleep with other women with a clear conscience because he does not have a relationship with you.

I have seen many women bitter, angry and hurt because the man they slept with denied sleeping with them. If that does not sound the alarm that he does not want a relationship, I don’t know what else will. Trying to prove, or make him admit that he had sex with you, is not going to get your worth or confidence back, nor is it going to take back the mutual sex that you had with him.”

Get educated about Casual Sex today by reading this short Guide on Casual Sex!
http://www.amazon.com/Casual-Sex-Shallow-Kelsey-Cowie-ebook/dp/B00MDKBNVK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1407455536&sr=8-1&keywords=casual+sex+is+for+the+shallow

The Man in Pursuit of No Strings: Excerpt from Casual Sex is for the Shallow

“This man is a shallow creature. He pays very close attention to physical attributes before he gets into a relationship with you, especially if  he just want to use you like a Kleenex and throw you away or keep you around like a pocket handkerchief.

He notices the shape and color of your eyes, if you have a mole on your chin, the shape of your lips, what you smell like, whether you have dandruff or not, the length of your hair, the size of your breasts, if your hips are uneven and if you have manicured toes. This man does not need to approach you to notice most of these physical traits. Have you ever noticed how some men will size you up, leering at you, looking at you up and down?  He isn’t looking for personality; he doesn’t want to get to know you.  This man does not want a relationship. He wants no strings. He searches for a woman who has “never done this before” and is curious, or is drunk enough to let go of her inhibitions, or the woman in the corner screaming with insecurity. To this man any woman who is willing will do. He just wants to play “show me yours and I’ll show you mine.”  He doesn’t care if you’re a good person, whether you are a stranger or his co-worker that he sees 5 days a week. He merely wants to scratch the surface of your emotions and drown in the place where most women with inexperience keep their emotions stowed away, not in their head, not in their heart, but in their vaginas.”

No Strings- Free Excerpt from Casual Sex is from the Shallow

“As a woman engaging in casual sex you are the one who has to deal with a sore, swollen, sometimes torn vagina, fear when you see the blood, the stinging urine, the itchy, burning yeast infections, the smelly bacterial vaginosis, the chunky off colored discharges, and the fear that it could be Chlamydia, or something much more permanent like Herpes, or HIV. You are the one dealing with the pregnancy scares alone, going to Walgreens to spend fifty plus dollars on plan B, and you have to go to the abortion clinic alone.  Why should he get involved? Why should he care about the condition of your vagina after he is done with it? No strings right?”