Patriarchal Pornography

“If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.” Mathew 5:9

As a woman I am offended when I hear other women making excuses for their husbands and boyfriends infidelity or use of pornography. Why is the woman always at fault? I overheard a conversation between two married women. One kept pointing out that men need sex, and when a woman is not fulfilling her role in the bedroom it drives him to porn. Well women need sex too, maybe even more than a man does. The vagina has so many different pleasure points, and our orgasms are more intense. I have never heard a woman say well my “man” isn’t satisfying me so I am going to whip out my turbo vibrator and 12 inch dildo and watch Big Dick porn. When are women going to let men take accountability for their actions?

I hear that excuse all the time. That is not reason enough for me. Let’s face it we all need to get off. Men have a strong sex drive but so do women. And I am not talking about single men; I am referring to men who get “the pussy” served to them on a platter every night or at least some nights. Whatever happened to self control? Whatever happened to being a team? Whatever happened to selflessness? And for the women who blame and condemn their other female counter parts for going to bed in baggy clothes and not feeding their husbands appetites pray that it does not happen to you. Do you think she wants an obtrusive penis inside her when she knows her husband’s been jacking his dick to the images of another woman’s vagina and butt hole? Do you think she wants his hands that have imagined caressing another woman around her? Do you think she wants to share her nakedness with someone who pays to go to the strip club and look at pornography? Would you? Would you want that man touching you after seeing the images of what he pleasures himself too?

Where is the respect? Stop blaming women. Stop blaming her because of what she is wearing or what she’s not. Stop blaming her for being drunk. Stop blaming her for being naive and trusting. Stop blaming her for being human and not a sex toy. Stop blaming women for men’s shortcomings.

If you are having  an intimacy problem pornography, strip clubs and affairs make it worse. If you want to better your sex life then you need to better the emotional aspect of the relationship. Instead of hoping on Ashley Madison or porn sites, ask her, ask her why she does not want to sleep with you. Tell her I want to try new positions. Communicate with your partner. Using lack of sex or lack of her sexiness as an excuse for watching porn is just going lead to you using your hand more and losing intimacy with your partner.
If you have a problem with lust and porn it’s your problem, your fault and not your partners. How about blocking the porn from your computer? How about not to the strip club?

If your eye is causing you to sin, to stray then fix your eye. Don’t blame the porn that you’re looking at and the wife or girlfriend that you’re not looking at, blame yourself. Only you can fix you.

I want to add that all the destruction, all the damage and pain that pornography causes in your relationships God can heal. There is hope, happiness and love for you too.


9 thoughts on “Patriarchal Pornography”

  1. Amen to this. Often women have an innate desire to rationalize for men. It’s a blessing and a curse. It’s a sign of great love and compassion, but it can also be harmful, like when we try to take responsibility for men’s actions and behavior as if they are not adults fully accountable for their own selves. Trying to blame women for men’s sexuality, the good and the bad, is probably a sin that goes back to the garden of eden. ”

    Only you can fix you.” Great words of wisdom there. God can fix you too, but you have to let Him. One of the biggest stumbling blocks there is trying to blame your problems on someone else.

    1. I am really happy that you pointed that it was out of love that women rationalize men’s behavior. When I wrote this I was seeing red and I missed that aspect of it. I always admire the long- suffering love that women show their mates. I love how this verse in Mathew really calls us to take responsibility for our actions.

  2. Oh my god. THIS! This is perfect. I couldn’t agree more. I just wrote a blog about how I personally view pornography as a form of cheating. And everything you said just reaffirms my feelings.

    It is so true. I was saying this to a friend the other day. How I hate that people excuse men for having a ‘bigger sex drive’. I disagree. I’m not saying women have a bigger one either but to me its just an individual thing not a gender thing. And on top of that, how many women aren’t even satisifued after having sex… And even if they were, how many women can keep going and want more except that most of the time once a mans done that’s it for the both of them. But yet men are excused for not having their sexual desires fulfilled… What a joke

    1. It is unfair, it is a double standard. I too view it as cheating, its violating that sacredness, the pure and raw nakedness you expect to share with that one person. It just makes things in the bedroom worse. Besides these porn stars are paid to fake orgasms as they are brutalized. Porn displays a warped view of sex and unfortunately some idiots want to try what they see in porno’s in the bedroom. If as a woman I know you are pleasuring yourself to images of other women why would I want to share myself with you? Its selfish. Thank you so much for commenting.

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