Feminism, Casual Sex and Open Relationships

This is an educational piece and I would ask that everyone read this carefully. I was inspired to write this after having a discussion on Thought  catalog about casual sex. There is a lot of confusion that surrounds casual sex practices. Before you do it, know what is about then make an informed decision. Great news,  common sense does not require a degree. Happy reading :).

Casual sex and open relationships are like apples and oranges, both are fruits but both are different.

An open relationship is where both partners agree that they can have sexual relations with others. I have no experience with open relationships so I can’t say much on it but I do believe a lot of women pushing for this Casual  Sex Movement/Hookup Culture, and its” freedoms” want and are involved in open relationships. They want the relationship and emotional connectedness that casual sex lacks, and they want the freedom of sleeping with other people or mainly  the ability to accept openly that their partner is sleeping  with other people without feeling humiliated or judged. In my book I mention   that women want the intercourse and men want the sex. When you join private parts its called sexual intercourse, with an open relationship it seems that both parties get what they want? I believe that some of these feminist, and women really want a relationship because  they talk about connecting with the other person. Casual sex is not about connecting emotionally, lets join private parts, that is the only connection. When I hear women defending casual sex as this emotionally satisfying situation that is not selfish, and has regard for the other person and people around them  I think, “You my dear are misinformed,”if that is the case you are not involved in the casual sex  lifestyle.

The pattern I see is women still wanting the relationship, the connection, the friendship, the care, and  the concern, so why shove this idea of casual sex and its perks down other peoples throats when you have not experienced, or lived it, when you want a relationship and not casual sex? Why encourage other women , young women to go down a path that more than likely leads to misery when you get to have your cake and eat it too.  I would ask that these women, and  men stop misleading our youth about casual sex and talk about their convenient open relationships instead.  

It is essential to define the relationship because then you can properly act and make an informed choice. Casual sex is that  grey area  between black and white but its still grey, and the fact that it is grey is not left up to perception its factual. How you navigate through an open relationship is completely different from how you would engage in casual sex. One is inclusive of a relationship, connection, and sharing, a soft place to rest your head at night knowing that this man is there, the other is lonely, there is no care or concern and there should be no expectation of any form of emotional support.

Casual sex then becomes the cop out  and scapegoat for an open relationship. No woman really wants to admit that, “Hey I’m in an open relationship, he has sex with whoever he wants, I have sex with who I want but we support each other emotionally, we just choose to have different sex partners simultaneously or at the same time.” Be honest, it’s a little embarrassing, and humiliating. Stop pushing polyamory and disguising it as casual sex. Besides society is more accepting of casual sex than of open or polyamorous  relationships. .People understand having multiple partners to a point but its harder to understand being in a relationship but wanting to have sex with other people and the other person having knowledge of that. One must ask the question then why even bother being in a relationship? Does that man even love or care about you? Do you really care about him? So some choose to call it casual sex, which is insulting to anyone like myself who has engaged in casual sex and it is misleading to the people who have not engaged in casual sex.

There is confusion about what casual sex is and isn’t. The word “casual”  is lack of commitment ,devoid of emotion, and sex is your penis or vagina, putting t the two terms, action and parts, together  there is no room left  for concern, or this lasting partnership or friendship; if so you  were  or are more than likely in an open relationship.  ” Casual sex” is supposed to be easy, no stings,  but because of  the way our bodies fit together during sex it does not work out that way all the time. Someone,  more than likely the woman catches feelings from just the touch of a penis and she is confused. The act of sex alone tells you that there is nothing casual about it, yet some  continue to push the notion that “casual” sex exists. There is nothing casual about a penis penetrating your vagina. I don’t understand why feminist get angry when I say that casual sex is selfish, its supposed to be, isn’t that what they are fighting for “sexual freedom”and  women can have sex just like a man.” But no, they are mistake and confused because they don’t even understand what casual sex is, they bend it to fit a convenient description of an open relationship. And we go back to the point that women engaging in casual sex want some form of a RELATIONSHIP.

 Casual sex is selfish, no one goes out of their way to have a one night only to consciously think about how it will affect the next person. Who does that? Seriously, in what world, what fantasy, fairy tale, fiction does someone have casual sex with you and think hmm I wonder how she will feel afterwards? How will this affect my family and friends close to me? This type of thinking is not realistic. And if you do have casual sex with that mindset it is not for you.

Don’t get an open relationship confused with casual sex. Please, ladies for your own well being don’t confuse the two. If you want an open relationship fine, if you want to have casual sex that is fine too, but please don’t hide behind one and skew its meaning because your lifestyle is not as accepted.

You need to respect the behavior and live in the reality of the situation not a sugar coated version of what it could be, not a rationalization that casual sex or an open relationship is this great amazing experience full of love and care, and connection. Stop pretending. In this  moment I ask, that you be real with yourself.

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10 thoughts on “Feminism, Casual Sex and Open Relationships”

  1. well, going with what I think you wrote, I agree that this is true for 95% of women, but you can’t make others believe it too… again, if you can stand it, I’ll site a great show on Oxygen, “Preachers of LA” lol… I don’t remember all their names, but the two older ladies butt heads a lot because one has been living with a preacher for years and cannot get him to tie the knot. The other has called her on it often, and as a result I guess it makes great tv, the fighting, that is, but when she’s alone (the one without the wedding band) she’s constantly longing for the band and the man to get his act together. While I do not agree with the lady harping at her about it, because its not her business and as a woman of God she knows better than to judge. But I also dislike the apparent front the non married woman puts up to the nosey one, because its dishonest and a complete contradiction of what’s in her heart. But that is women. That is another article for me in the someday catalog, how we don’t stand together. But in any case, as in your case, you did things based on major dysfunction in your life. Others may have gone through the same and now have no feelings of love towards men and only want sex. I do believe that. I’ll tell ya this too.. I have a very close buddy chick who is gay.. and she was raised in a sick home, and doesn’t even know what love is. She runs everytime her current girl wants to get serious. She is 48! I tell her this, and the purpose of my blog… you’ll never get past it, until you go to the past, fix the broken and learn to love yourself. For me, in my experience, all our bad choices as women stem from that one very thing.

    1. I see what you are saying and you make a lot of sense and you have a very good point. What I find with talking to a lot of these feminist or pro hook up culture is a description of something that is not casual but that of a relationship, so I have wonder do you really want a relationship and are you hiding behind casual sex to experience that connectedness and that closeness. It is in our nature to want to be close to another person, to want community we were made that way. They all describe casual sex as this partnered agreement, of sharing and caring I don’t see anything casual about that.

      1. You know, we are all raised with some crazy mixed up values… one of the best pieces of advice I was given once was you can only control yourself and how others affect you. You’ll never win the argument, but, and correct me if I’m wrong, you’ll make the right person think, and maybe change or save a life. That’s your goal, right?

        I would also like to refer to my article on Feminism, because I think the younger gen is using and misplacing that word constantly, and again, this was my opinion and everyone’s entitled and I take no offense at any disagreement. To me, that word should be abolished today, and should never have been created. Like my article, it was named by men that were trying to keep women in the kitchen. The true “feminists” were just women trying to make things right when for so long women were treated wrongly. I’m so glad you girls today don’t know that world, it was sick and ugly. Facets of it can be seen in “Mad Men” as a for instance. Whatever these ladies are today, they are not feminists. Radicialists, maybe? who knows. In any case, I will be checkin in later. Gonna fly.

      2. Right change or save a life 🙂 you’re really good at refocusing me lol haha. Honestly, that word has done more harm to women than good. It is radicalism. Thanks again for the advice and support it is greatly appreciated.

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