This is an educational piece and I would ask that everyone read this carefully. I was inspired to write this after having a discussion on Thought catalog about casual sex. There is a lot of confusion that surrounds casual sex practices. Before you do it, know what is about then make an informed decision. Great news, common sense does not require a degree. Happy reading :).
Casual sex and open relationships are like apples and oranges, both are fruits but both are different.
An open relationship is where both partners agree that they can have sexual relations with others. I have no experience with open relationships so I can’t say much on it but I do believe a lot of women pushing for this Casual Sex Movement/Hookup Culture, and its” freedoms” want and are involved in open relationships. They want the relationship and emotional connectedness that casual sex lacks, and they want the freedom of sleeping with other people or mainly the ability to accept openly that their partner is sleeping with other people without feeling humiliated or judged. In my book I mention that women want the intercourse and men want the sex. When you join private parts its called sexual intercourse, with an open relationship it seems that both parties get what they want? I believe that some of these feminist, and women really want a relationship because they talk about connecting with the other person. Casual sex is not about connecting emotionally, lets join private parts, that is the only connection. When I hear women defending casual sex as this emotionally satisfying situation that is not selfish, and has regard for the other person and people around them I think, “You my dear are misinformed,”if that is the case you are not involved in the casual sex lifestyle.
The pattern I see is women still wanting the relationship, the connection, the friendship, the care, and the concern, so why shove this idea of casual sex and its perks down other peoples throats when you have not experienced, or lived it, when you want a relationship and not casual sex? Why encourage other women , young women to go down a path that more than likely leads to misery when you get to have your cake and eat it too. I would ask that these women, and men stop misleading our youth about casual sex and talk about their convenient open relationships instead.
It is essential to define the relationship because then you can properly act and make an informed choice. Casual sex is that grey area between black and white but its still grey, and the fact that it is grey is not left up to perception its factual. How you navigate through an open relationship is completely different from how you would engage in casual sex. One is inclusive of a relationship, connection, and sharing, a soft place to rest your head at night knowing that this man is there, the other is lonely, there is no care or concern and there should be no expectation of any form of emotional support.
Casual sex then becomes the cop out and scapegoat for an open relationship. No woman really wants to admit that, “Hey I’m in an open relationship, he has sex with whoever he wants, I have sex with who I want but we support each other emotionally, we just choose to have different sex partners simultaneously or at the same time.” Be honest, it’s a little embarrassing, and humiliating. Stop pushing polyamory and disguising it as casual sex. Besides society is more accepting of casual sex than of open or polyamorous relationships. .People understand having multiple partners to a point but its harder to understand being in a relationship but wanting to have sex with other people and the other person having knowledge of that. One must ask the question then why even bother being in a relationship? Does that man even love or care about you? Do you really care about him? So some choose to call it casual sex, which is insulting to anyone like myself who has engaged in casual sex and it is misleading to the people who have not engaged in casual sex.
There is confusion about what casual sex is and isn’t. The word “casual” is lack of commitment ,devoid of emotion, and sex is your penis or vagina, putting t the two terms, action and parts, together there is no room left for concern, or this lasting partnership or friendship; if so you were or are more than likely in an open relationship. ” Casual sex” is supposed to be easy, no stings, but because of the way our bodies fit together during sex it does not work out that way all the time. Someone, more than likely the woman catches feelings from just the touch of a penis and she is confused. The act of sex alone tells you that there is nothing casual about it, yet some continue to push the notion that “casual” sex exists. There is nothing casual about a penis penetrating your vagina. I don’t understand why feminist get angry when I say that casual sex is selfish, its supposed to be, isn’t that what they are fighting for “sexual freedom”and women can have sex just like a man.” But no, they are mistake and confused because they don’t even understand what casual sex is, they bend it to fit a convenient description of an open relationship. And we go back to the point that women engaging in casual sex want some form of a RELATIONSHIP.
Casual sex is selfish, no one goes out of their way to have a one night only to consciously think about how it will affect the next person. Who does that? Seriously, in what world, what fantasy, fairy tale, fiction does someone have casual sex with you and think hmm I wonder how she will feel afterwards? How will this affect my family and friends close to me? This type of thinking is not realistic. And if you do have casual sex with that mindset it is not for you.
Don’t get an open relationship confused with casual sex. Please, ladies for your own well being don’t confuse the two. If you want an open relationship fine, if you want to have casual sex that is fine too, but please don’t hide behind one and skew its meaning because your lifestyle is not as accepted.
You need to respect the behavior and live in the reality of the situation not a sugar coated version of what it could be, not a rationalization that casual sex or an open relationship is this great amazing experience full of love and care, and connection. Stop pretending. In this moment I ask, that you be real with yourself.