Casual Sex and Statutory Rape

I was 16 and he was my best friends 24 year old brother. I thought I was a woman back then because I shaved my vagina, wore thongs, pushup bras  and had sex. I thought I knew everything about sex and relationships. Back then, at the tender age of 16 I thought I seduced this man into bed with me. Arrogantly, I believed that I had power over him, that I was in control of the situation because I controlled erection.

He was engaged to a woman overseas when I met him, and I was sleeping around with any and everybody. I was lonely, even though I always had some guy on top of me. I thought that because he was older he would be able to understand me.

When we met he had this look of overwhelming lust in his eyes, and I thought it was funny.  Every time he stared at me I giggled. It was supposed to be a game, but somehow we ended up having sex in his car and he could not control his desires for me after that. I remember him breaking things off with his fiance’ and I felt a twinge of guilt. Was I to blame for his breakup?

Sooner than later my best friend found out  that I was sleeping with her brother. He smoked weed with us and got us alcohol; I had a strong suspicion that he liked having sex with me while I was under the influence. I remember getting drunk and high and sleeping in the bed in between him and his sister. And then he started touching me, and roughly  wrestled my pants off and had sex with me in the same bed as his sister. He thought that she was too out of it to know what was going on. I insisted that we get out of the bed, so we did, and we had sex on the basement floor with his sister in the room, then I stumbled back into the bed with him and his sister was gone in the morning. Obviously, that was a mistake, I clearly was not thinking.

 When I told him we had to stop because his sister was getting mad, he just couldn’t. He would always sneak me out of her room, or I would sneak into the basement with him. His mother and stepfather knew what was going, everytime he came home from work and I was over they knew he was having sex with me, everytime he offered to take me home and had sex with me in front of the house in his car, they knew,  but they  turned a blind eye, to their 24 year old son having sex with their daughters teenage friend. Should they have stopped what was going on?

He was a pervert. He always wanted me to send him naked pictures or have phone sex with him. He got me my first vibrator ao I could masterbate on the phone with him. He always talked about getting me pregnant, and all the different sex positions he wanted to do with me. All he cared about was not going to jail. I should have known then, that he knew that sleeping with me was wrong.I know now that he did not care about me not even a little bit, all he cared about was getting to what was between  my legs.

When I moved away and came back to visit I thought things would be different. But I still ended up high in his bed. I lay lifeless like a corpse but he still probed my body with his ugly penis . He apologized that time for not being able to control his urges. My best friend blamed me, even though her brother clearly woke me up and brought me to his bedroom so he could take advantage of the marijuana that was still in my system.

I am utterly disgusted by this man. I was a willing participant, but I was only a teenager and he was a grown man. I am engulfed with feelings of shame, of realizing now at 24, that what transpired between me and this man was not right. I feel taken advantage of in the worst way.

He got married and had a son but he was still trying to have sex with me. His sister could not get over the incident of me having sex with her brother while she was in the same bed so we are no longer friends.She thought that I  was a whore  that  seduced her brother. Little did she know all the times I told him no but he just kept persisting. Now, he’s washed his hands clean of me and I can’t help but feel a twinge of pain, and silent sorrow as I bear the truth behind this situation alone.

At sixteen I would not have called this statutory rape. I was a willing participant and I knew exactly what I was doing. I knew what I was doing with my vagina partly, and I knew what to do with a penis, but at that age  I could not comprehend the emotional consequence of what I was doing. As adult I see that there was  something terribly wrong with a 24 year old man having sex with me when I was 16 years old.

If I could go back in back in time, I would have thought twice before having sex with him. Having sex with him, was different than having sex with guys closer to my age. I still can’t quite understand or express properly how I feel about what happened between us but I just know that having sex with someone that much older than me as a teenager was a mistake, and sometimes I can’t help but feeling used.

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One thought on “Casual Sex and Statutory Rape”

  1. Reblogged this on Sexpectations89 and commented:

    When I think back to that 16 year old girl sleeping with a man in his mid twenties I can’t help but cringe. At 16 I thought I was an adult, I thought I handled sex more maturely than most adults did because I could not form attachments with the people I was sleeping with. Now I can say that at 16 I was just a child. My sex organs were matured but my mind was not. It sickens me to think of all the men that have sex with teenage GIRLS. They are girls not adult women. These men use and take advantage of a child’s mind and body and hide behind the fact that it was consensual, and that she “looks older.”
    If I could I would tell him that he is a monster, no better than a child molester. He preyed on a girl who he knew was broken and weak and that makes him the worst.
    I remember the lyrics to Alanis Morissette’s song Hands Clean, “We’ll fast forward to a few years later, and no one knows except the both of us, and I have honored your request for silence but you’ve washed your hands clean of this.” An adult having Sex with a minor is wrong and it is not to be accepted.

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