When I was in High school I asked all the boys to call me Kandii. I walked around with my stomach out and my thong showing. I even wrote the word sex on my stomach in white eyeliner. At that age all I knew was sex. Sex was my education. I could not figure out how to solve geometrical math problems but I could figure out how to deepthroat a dick.I worked at it like it was a job, and with a naughty smile I would say, “Practice makes perfect.”
I was quiet in my classes. I never really participated much. But I knew exactly how to talk to boys my age and men. I would ask, “Do you have a monster in your pants?” I would moan purposefully over the phone. Slowly licking my lips,jiggling my breast in men’s faces, I would push my bum out, and casually twirl my hair with one finger. I remember dancing on tables and chairs. I bought a lollipop shaped into a penis and ate it parading down strip full of men in a mini skirt. Looking the men in their eyes I would look down at their penis and gradually make eye contact without uttering one word, only a flutter of the lashes and I had that man’s phallus in the palm of my hand. I was good at selling sex.
Knowing when to stop is a matter of maintaining some form of dignity and not looking desperate; at least people will excuse your actions if you are young and attractive. At thirty you will never be as succulent and as youthful like when you were eighteen. When you have had sex with more men than you can remember it’s time to stop, and if you keep getting rejected after your casual sex encounters it’s definitely time to quit.
As I got older, mind you I’m only 23, I realized that I spent so much time focusing on my appearance and selling sex to men I knew, random men, and paying customers that I knew nothing about who I was as a person. Sure I could write about a book about all the sex I’ve had, and all the men I’ve dated but there was a time when I didn’t know what I liked, or wanted. I had no dreams, my survival depended on how well a man’s dick responded to me, and my self esteem on how fast he could get an erection. I wasted so much time selling a fantasy to men but I did not have any fantasies of my own.
I will tell you that yea I sold a lot of sex, but I did not make much profit from it, and the men who bought it only found temporary value in it. I had no plan B, I limited myself by depending on using my sexuality.
In Christ you can come as you are. You do not have to sell your body, to get His love. His love is free. He is the God of the broken-hearted, the outcasts, the prostitute, the stripper, the porn star, He loves you all. If you are tired of selling your body, or sexuality, try something different and receive for once the gift of Christ.