Questions to Ask Yourself Before Engaging In Casual Sex

I had a lot of casual sex because I felt bored, and I had a lot of fragmented sex. I remember getting drunk and walking down the streets of Mill avenue and running into a really tall bouncer at a club. After his shift my friend and I met him at his apartment where we continued to drink and smoke weed. I remember him picking me up by the pants with one hand. I woke up on his penis in the wierdest position. The sex was painful and it must have lasted all night because at 6 in the morning he was still destroying my vagina. I remember a different time getting high and waking up on anothers  guys penis and wondering how I got naked?The majority of the times I have had sex I was under the influence of drugs or alcohol.  Sex didn’t feel good when I was sober, I had to be drunk or high to perform. There was a time in my life when I could not have sex with a man without being under the influence. Why was I having sex that I could not remember? If sex felt like a prison then why did I continue to do it? I guess I just hated myself and sex was my punishment. A penis was an ugly obtrusive thing that could reach the hurt I felt deep inside of me.

Questions to ask Yourself

  • Does casual sex physically satisfy you?

  • Are you looking for emotional satisfaction from sex with this man?

  • Do you want to have casual sex to help build your self-esteem and finally give you the confidence that you have been missing?

  • As you contemplate spreading your legs are you prepared for the consequences that come with having  casual sex?

  • Can you handle never hearing from this man again?

  • Will you feel like he took a piece of you?

  • Do you have expectations of a relationship?

  • Do you have a healthy body image?

  • Do you believe that you have self-worth?

  • Do you love yourself?

  • Are you afraid of saying no to sex?

  • Do you need to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol to have sex with men?

  • Are you engaging in casual sex because you are bored?                                                                                                                                                                                       I do not have to tell you the right answers to these questions. It should be obvious by your answers if casual sex is really what you want and if you should engage in it or not.

Knowing When To Stop Selling Your Sexuality


When I was in High school I asked all the boys to call me Kandii. I walked around with my stomach out and my thong showing. I  even  wrote the word sex on my stomach in white eyeliner. At that age all I knew was sex. Sex was my education. I could not figure out how to solve geometrical math problems but I could figure out how to deepthroat a dick.I worked at it like it was a job, and with a naughty smile I would say, “Practice makes perfect.”

I was quiet in my classes. I never really participated much. But I knew exactly how to talk to boys my age and men. I would ask, “Do you have a monster in your pants?” I would moan purposefully over the phone. Slowly licking my lips,jiggling my breast in men’s faces, I would push my bum out, and casually twirl my hair with one finger. I remember dancing on tables and chairs. I bought a lollipop shaped into a penis and ate it parading down strip full of men in a mini skirt. Looking the men in their eyes I would look down at their penis and gradually make eye contact without uttering one word, only a flutter of the lashes and I had that man’s phallus in the palm of my hand. I was good at selling sex.

Knowing when to stop is a matter of maintaining some form of dignity and not looking desperate; at least people will excuse your actions if you are young and attractive. At thirty you will never be as succulent and as youthful like when you were eighteen. When you have  had sex with more men than you can remember it’s time to stop, and if you keep getting rejected after your casual sex encounters it’s definitely time to quit.

 As I got older, mind you I’m only 23, I realized that I spent so much time focusing on my appearance and selling sex to men I knew, random men,  and paying customers  that I knew nothing about who I was as a person. Sure I could write about a book about all the sex I’ve had, and all the men I’ve dated but there was a time when I didn’t know what I liked, or wanted. I had no dreams, my survival depended on how well a man’s dick responded to me,  and my self esteem on how fast he could get an erection. I wasted so much time selling a fantasy to men but I did not have any fantasies of my own.

I will tell you that yea I sold a lot of sex, but I did not make much profit from it, and the men who bought it only found temporary value in it.  I had no plan B, I  limited myself by  depending on using my sexuality.

In Christ you can come as you are. You do not have to sell your body, to get His love. His love is free. He is the God of the broken-hearted, the outcasts, the prostitute, the stripper, the porn star, He loves you all. If you are tired of selling your body, or sexuality, try something different and receive for once the gift of Christ.

Casual Sex and Your Vagina

Take a moment to look at your vagina. Inspect it. Get in touch with your vagina. Learn to love your vagina because no man can love your vagina better than you can. Despite the trauma you may have put it through or the lack of interest you  may  have shown it, your vagina is still beautiful and resilient. Your vagina is like a plump ripe fruit, or  it can resemble a budding flower. It is fragile and strong all at the same time. With pain and strength it can push out new life, and in passion, pleasure and even reluctance it can hold a penis. In it’s brokenness the vagina heals itself, and  it is designed with the capability of protecting itself. Your vagina is more than just a hole.

Casual sex is not empowering, but being knowledgeable about what is going on with your vagina is.Unfortunately, falling into the habit of having casual sex without a condom can  become common. Most women are solely concerned about pregnancy, but not enough worry about catching a sexually transmitted infection.

Having a smelly, itchy, crotch can give you  as much low self-esteem as getting rejected from a guy you had casual sex with. Your vagina having a scent is normal, and hopefully you are in tune with the  way your vagina smells. Every woman’s vagina has a scent, it is nothing to be ashamed of. But, as  a woman you should be able to identify your normal scent, from an abnormal scent. An abnormal scent is a foul smelling odor.

What’s going on down there when you develop an itch or foul smelling odor? It could be a number of things. The fear of not knowing or assuming that it could be something more serious always freaks people out. It could be a yeast infection, which is common, at least once in every woman’s life she will get a yeast infection. A yeast infection is no reason to hang your head in shame or wear granny panties, it’s just part of having a vagina. Knowing what to do to treat and prevent a yeast infection is important. Yeast infections can be  spread from partner to partner. And yes men can re- infect women with yeast. So if you are engaging in casual sex use protection every time.

Itching and foul-smelling discharge is another reason for concern among women, especially those who have or have had multiple sex partners. Oral sex feels good. And to some who try to remain “pure” they don’t  count it as sex. Receiving oral sex can be just as dangerous as having vaginal and penile intercourse. Bacterial vaginosis(BV) is very common among women who receive oral sex. Your vagina is  cleaner than a man’s mouth. BV causes itching and odor and is very hard to get rid of, in fact it is often times a recurring infection.

As a woman it is important to be in touch with your vagina. When I read about all these infections that are treatable it just makes casual sex sound a little less casual. My vagina cringes at memories of my past sex life, and the way I abused it.

Your vagina is part of you and you should treat it as such. Protect it from infections. After all, is casual sex really worth your vaginal health? The next time you decide to hop into bed with a random stranger especially without a condom try to remember  to treat your vagina with love and respect.

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body,”( 1 Corinthians 6:19-20).