Casual Sex and Daddy Issues

Back in the day, when I dabbled in escorting the guy I was working for  asked me to call him daddy, which I thought was weird and strange. I could not bring myself to do it, neither could I accept the fact that he preferred to call me bitch over my real name. Maybe if I had lacked the presence of a father figure in my life, or had a really screwed up relationship with my dad, I would have remained under his thumb. The point is a father does not give you something that you do not already have within yourself, he just helps you discover things about yourself. With or without a dad  you are a complete person.

Casual sex sometimes is a symptom of a  much deeper desire. It is a layer that sometimes, masks insecurity, abandonment, low self- esteem and various other problems. A boyfriend, a friend with benefits, a husband, or whatever guy you plug into your life cannot replace the role of your father in your life.  In the same breadth, the way your father treated you does not define your self-worth or who you are.

I have a friend and she is absolutely gorgeous. She shines like the sun on a bright hot summer day. Sadly, I have seen this woman cry endlessly over men that were never worth the tears. She was grieving, mourning the loss of something far more important than a casual tryst or a lost friendship. I realized that she was mourning the loss of her father.  All those other men were just temporary replacements trying to fill an imaginary void that was created by her absentee father. Maybe if she could get them to stay, maybe then she thought she would see that she was good enough.

Rejection can feel like a death. The man that was supposed to love her, walked out of her life, not permanently but from my knowledge he popped in and out of her life like a cold sore. One of the closest people to her, the man who was  physically part of her tossed her aside.

I believe that the rejection from her father severely injured her self-esteem. It was that much easier to fall into casual relationships with the expectation of wanting more but with the fear of rejection looming close behind.

“If your own daddy doesn’t want you who else will?”  “

If your father could leave you why won’t the next man? “

“ You were not worth keeping, you were not worth loving, you were not worth trying for, you my dear were  just not good enough.” These are just painful examples of some of those negative thoughts that can lead a woman into the cycle of casual sex and sexual rejection.

I remember looking into her big beautiful brown eyes that were glazed over with tears, and she told me she was not good enough. Often times rejection can make us feel like we are not good enough or worth it. I wish I could tell her how precious she really is and know for sure that she would believe it. Everyone is worth loving, and everyone deserves love. I hope that she can understand that her father leaving had nothing to do with her value. And I would tell her that making her dad stay or keeping all those unworthy men around does not make her worth more or less than she already is.

I am dedicating this post to you. A woman that I have learnt so much from. The woman that has inspired me to help other women find healing, and find healing myself. You are  worth it. You are worth the tears, the waiting, and the late nights. You deserve the best

 Your daddy cannot remove the ache or void you feel in your chest. He cannot satisfy the desire for unconditional love that you crave. He cannot hand you self-esteem or self-worth in a gift wrapped box, sure he can help you discover it, but he is just a man ,and he’s only human.  For all the ladies out there who had a deadbeat dad, or an absentee father, I want you to know that you were bought with a price. And whether you believe in God or not He still loves you and He still wants you and that alone in itself gives you worth.

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2 thoughts on “Casual Sex and Daddy Issues”

  1. This is a good blog, I believe this is true on so many levels, my ex husband is a prime example of that. I will never forget 6 years into my marriage with him my mom met him for the first time and she pulled me aside and said quietly to me… “Sarah, why did you marry your dad?” my dad was mean, he made fun of me for my weight, always trying to get me to lose weight, and telling me everything I was doing that was not good enough. Same went for my ex husband. My ex husband eventually cheated and treated me like shit enough that I left him. It was the best thing I could have done. When I met Dwayne, I did all I could to make sure I was getting the complete opposite, truth be told though, when I married my ex, I was looking for someone to fill the void of acceptance I never got from my dad. He was 20 years older than I was too. It was a prime example of what you are talking about. An ass will always be an ass. Tell your friend she isn’t alone and that love is out there for her. Don’t look for a father figure in another man, no man can be who he should have been and she has to come to terms with that inside of her before she can ever have the satisfying and fulfilling and loving relationship she is looking for. Take dad out of the equation. He isn’t worth it. And no man who can’t be true to love her and be her best friend, isn’t worth it either. I hope she learns this. Life can be so much better. PS if she never meets the man of her dreams, she needs to know she can be a full woman without any man. No man should define who she is as a person. Direct her to my blog.

    1. Thank you so much for the comment and for sharing your personal story. Its so sad that so many think that the man and how he treats the woman defines her but that is not so. The best advice for any woman is to love herself. :). Thanks again

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