Casual Sex and Daddy Issues

Back in the day, when I dabbled in escorting the guy I was working for  asked me to call him daddy, which I thought was weird and strange. I could not bring myself to do it, neither could I accept the fact that he preferred to call me bitch over my real name. Maybe if I had lacked the presence of a father figure in my life, or had a really screwed up relationship with my dad, I would have remained under his thumb. The point is a father does not give you something that you do not already have within yourself, he just helps you discover things about yourself. With or without a dad  you are a complete person.

Casual sex sometimes is a symptom of a  much deeper desire. It is a layer that sometimes, masks insecurity, abandonment, low self- esteem and various other problems. A boyfriend, a friend with benefits, a husband, or whatever guy you plug into your life cannot replace the role of your father in your life.  In the same breadth, the way your father treated you does not define your self-worth or who you are.

I have a friend and she is absolutely gorgeous. She shines like the sun on a bright hot summer day. Sadly, I have seen this woman cry endlessly over men that were never worth the tears. She was grieving, mourning the loss of something far more important than a casual tryst or a lost friendship. I realized that she was mourning the loss of her father.  All those other men were just temporary replacements trying to fill an imaginary void that was created by her absentee father. Maybe if she could get them to stay, maybe then she thought she would see that she was good enough.

Rejection can feel like a death. The man that was supposed to love her, walked out of her life, not permanently but from my knowledge he popped in and out of her life like a cold sore. One of the closest people to her, the man who was  physically part of her tossed her aside.

I believe that the rejection from her father severely injured her self-esteem. It was that much easier to fall into casual relationships with the expectation of wanting more but with the fear of rejection looming close behind.

“If your own daddy doesn’t want you who else will?”  “

If your father could leave you why won’t the next man? “

“ You were not worth keeping, you were not worth loving, you were not worth trying for, you my dear were  just not good enough.” These are just painful examples of some of those negative thoughts that can lead a woman into the cycle of casual sex and sexual rejection.

I remember looking into her big beautiful brown eyes that were glazed over with tears, and she told me she was not good enough. Often times rejection can make us feel like we are not good enough or worth it. I wish I could tell her how precious she really is and know for sure that she would believe it. Everyone is worth loving, and everyone deserves love. I hope that she can understand that her father leaving had nothing to do with her value. And I would tell her that making her dad stay or keeping all those unworthy men around does not make her worth more or less than she already is.

I am dedicating this post to you. A woman that I have learnt so much from. The woman that has inspired me to help other women find healing, and find healing myself. You are  worth it. You are worth the tears, the waiting, and the late nights. You deserve the best

 Your daddy cannot remove the ache or void you feel in your chest. He cannot satisfy the desire for unconditional love that you crave. He cannot hand you self-esteem or self-worth in a gift wrapped box, sure he can help you discover it, but he is just a man ,and he’s only human.  For all the ladies out there who had a deadbeat dad, or an absentee father, I want you to know that you were bought with a price. And whether you believe in God or not He still loves you and He still wants you and that alone in itself gives you worth.

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A Christian Girl and Casual Sex

I grew up in a Christian home. I went to church Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and on Wednesdays. My parents read the Bible with us kids every night. I read the Bible myself every now and then, and I always remembered to pray.

I prayed for all the men I had sex with, every single one. I even told them about Jesus, and the importance of being saved. I read the Bible to them over the phone, and I prayed with them. I asked them if they believed that Jesus Christ was the son of God and if they didn’t share my belief I would not have sex with them.I knew that sex outside of marriage was a sin, but that didn’t stop me. As a teenager I often wondered  besides sex being a sin what else is wrong with it?

I listened to some self-righteous christians give their opinion about girls that slept around. They made it seem like being promiscuous meant that you were a nasty, bad person. They didn’t know that a ” slut” was in their midst. It was as if sleeping around was a contagious disease that they were afraid to catch. To them, sex outside of marriage was the worse thing. I always wanted to secretly retort “There are worst things that a girl could do.”

Sleeping around did not make me a bad person. And sleeping around did not make me anymore more of a sinner than they were, sin is sin. Throughout my years of promiscuity, experimentation with prostitution, and amateur porn, I never stopped loving Jesus, I never stopped praying, and I did read my Bible on some occasions.

Some Christians might try and question the relationship I had with God, but that is only for my God to judge. Through it all He was  right there with me. He knew my heart. Patiently, He waited for me to find my way back to Him. Here I was, drowning in a cesspool, and He reached out His hand and He saved me. Nothing is too great for my God to do  and no one is too far gone for my God to save. 

Now, you may totally reject the idea of God’s love or the existence of a creator, but whatever issues that you are trying to work out, SEX IS NOT THE ANSWER.  A man’s penis is not the magical key that will unlock the answers to your daddy issues, or any other problem that you are having.