The Cycle of Casual Sex and Sexual Rejection

Anytime you have sex with a man, you are sharing  yourself with that man. You cannot erase the memory of his penis from your vagina, and you cannot take back the bodily fluids that you shared with him. With casual sex, no strings attached doesn’t exist. Imagine if you had a one night stand with some random guy and two months later you saw him at your job or in your class, you both share the knowledge that you had sex. Now, having sex with him may not mean anything to him or to you, but the simple fact that you both introduced your private parts to each other is a string enough.

How does one get stuck in the cycle of casual sex and  sexual rejection?

Sexual rejection is usually what sends women flying, panties down into casual sex.  I will use myself as example and maybe some of you can relate.

I was a young teenager when I first started having casual sex. For some reason I had a crush on this fat guy who was ashamed to be seen with me in public. Thank God, I can laugh about it now. Anyways, making a long story short, we had sex and two weeks later he told me not to contact him. Ouch! Not to mention that he was the first guy I had sex with.

I felt as if something was wrong with me sexually. Was I not attractive enough? Was something wrong with my vagina? Were my breasts too small? Physically, something had to be wrong with me. I mean he didn’t know me, we never even kissed, even after we had sex. I had to prove to myself and to him that I was normal, that even though he didn’t want me that other men would.  I thought that if other men had sex with me and wanted me that I would be sticking it to him in some way. And he would be full of regret and would want me.

I started having sex with a lot of different men, and I even found a way to keep them coming back, many wanting a relationship. I thought that would assuage the hurt I felt over my first sexual encounter, but it didn’t.

Because I never wanted to feel the loneliness of rejection, I started sleeping with multiple men at the same time. Here I was, going from man to man,like a girl swinging from monkey bar to monkey bar. I went to school with some, some were my friends’ brothers – they were everywhere. I couldn’t stop sleeping with them even if I wanted too because, I never wanted to feel thrown away, tossed aside, or rejected again. Luckily for me, I didn’t have to deal with rejection after that first time, and even if I did, I had become so emotionally callous that I could not feel a thing. If I was rejected, I always had another man around that I could latch on to.

That first time I was rejected sexually sent me spiraling down into a very unfulfilled world of casual sex. Being so young, I could not understand that there was nothing wrong with me. Having sex with a random guy is a quick fix to a broken heart, or injured self-esteem, but it is just a band aid effect. Sex just numbs the hurt for a little while. By sleeping around you are creating an even bigger problem

Casual sex and sexual rejection go hand in hand. The cycle can be hard to recognize and hard to break.

There is hope, life and love after casual sex and sexual rejection. Sex does not define who you are and what you are worth.

8 thoughts on “The Cycle of Casual Sex and Sexual Rejection”

  1. Kelsey, you put it so well. I went through the same thing but for different reasons. For me it was to nullify the abuses I’d experienced as a child. In my unconscious I was trying to make things “right”. It didn’t help. In my day, casual sex was not acceptable and I tried very hard for it not to be casual, but I was vulnerable and needy and the general male populace saw me as an “easy lay”. What they didn’t know was I just wanted to be loved. I equated sex for love and gave hoping to get. It doesn’t work that way.
    Whatever the reason,be your own BFF and treat yourself like the treasure you are. The rest will take care of itself.

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