I was told that I would be star. I should be a star because I was a cute toy that was fun to play with. My nakedness would shine through the darkness blinding men and they would worship me.  I was told I would be a star and I was encouraged to do porn.I sold sex and I made it look easy because I was a star in their eyes. I was perfection, a woman almost unattainable but within their reach. I don’t want to be a star for men to look at, or play with. I am a star shining for the broken hearted, the sexually abused, the ex prostitute, the promiscuous girl you went to highschool with, the woman that cuts herself, and the woman who starves herself from time to time. I am that voice, and I will tell my story, our story of survival. Being able to tell my story shamelessly and help other women is what makes me a STAR.

Read some of my life story in my book Casual Sex is for the Shallow.

Guest Post – Casual Sex is for The Shallow – Your Modern Day Mind Condom

Kelsey Cowie:

This is the Summary of my Ebook Casual Sex is for the Shallow available on Amazon. Happy reading :)

Originally posted on HarsH ReaLiTy:

Cover Page Casual Sex is For the Shallow 2Casual Sex is for the Shallow  is your modern day mind condom. Protect yourself before engaging in casual sex, by knowing and understanding that as a woman, sex is as much physical as it is emotional.  Women are often told about the physical implications of sleeping around but very little emphasis is placed on the emotional ones. The emotional ramifications can be just as devastating as the physical ones.

The title of my  ebook  is  just as misleading as casual sex. Casual sex is an act that is devoid of emotion as well as commitment, in my book I call it the “instant coffee” that some women try to  use to obtain a relationship or temporarily satisfy emotions of loneliness and incompleteness.  It is selfish, shallow, and superficial.

First of all, what is sex? Sex is either the penis or the vagina. What is sexual intercourse? Sexual intercourse means penetration…

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The Cycle of Casual Sex and Sexual Rejection

Originally posted on Sexpectations89:

Anytime you have sex with a man, you are sharing  yourself with that man. You cannot erase the memory of his penis from your vagina, and you cannot take back the bodily fluids that you shared with him. With casual sex, no strings attached doesn’t exist. Imagine if you had a one night stand with some random guy and two months later you saw him at your job or in your class, you both share the knowledge that you had sex. Now, having sex with him may not mean anything to him or to you, but the simple fact that you both introduced your private parts to each other is a string enough.

How does one get stuck in the cycle of casual sex and  sexual rejection?

Sexual rejection is usually what sends women flying, panties down into casual sex.  I will use myself as example and maybe some of you…

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Authors – Have you Written a Book? Want to Promote it?

Originally posted on HarsH ReaLiTy:

Self-promotion is not an easy thing to do for some. While others find it as easy as breathing, many authors struggle with getting their work out there. I may regret the workload that comes with this, but I am going to make an offer to those authors out there that have written a book. I will not make rules as to who may take part and I also don’t require that someone be a subscriber of my website to take advantage of the things I offer.

Are you an author and have you written a book? Would you be interested in writing a SINGLE post about your work? This can be a pre-written piece, a synopsis, or a newly written article on what your book is about. The choice is up to you and I will allow links to be added to your book sale sites as well as a…

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Its Okay

Having Casual Sex and getting attached does not make you unintelligent or immature it just makes you human. I dont believe in slut shaming. I don’t believe in insulting a woman based on the way she has sex. I don’t believe in telling women to suppress their emotions. It is okay to make mistakes especially with your sexuality, granted some are more permanent than others. What I give you here on this blog is real life experience you wont find it written in a text book, its something that can’t be taught. I am not ashamed of my past, of feeling rejected at times, of feeling like I had pussy power, of using sex as a tool,  or of being vain and shallow about sex . It’s all okay. For the women that have casual sex and feel worthless or used Ive been there to0, and that’s normal. Just know that you already have worth within yourself and that you were not used you made a choice. Its okay to feel, to cry,  to get depressed over a guy you had casual sex with, it IS normal and  its part of being human.Trust me you will get over it, thats a promise :).

The Morning After Sex

Kelsey Cowie:

In this blog I told the truth in a very raw way because I wanted to emphasize the shallowness of casual sex. With casual sex the man is not compelled to care or empathize with your “physical imperfections” because there is no emotional connection that would make your flaws beautiful in his eyes.He doesn’t care about your insecurities, he only cares for himself. In this piece I ask the questions if you never hear back from any of the guys you have casual sex with what does that say about your worth? Are you lacking something? These are real questions that women ask themselves and I address them in this piece.

Originally posted on Sexpectations89:

That moment when you wake up tangled in foreign sheets in an unfamiliar bed pressed up against a cold wall next to a guy you hardly know, is always awkward. The morning after casualsex is always awkward. Do you stay and wait for him to wake up? Or do you leave without disturbing him? Should you turn the light on to try and find your panties, or do you let him find them so if you haven’t heard from him after a week, then you have a reason to call him? Should you wait a week? Is that too long?

So, you decide to leave without waking him, but he opens one eye lazily, says bye and throws the covers back over his head. What’s even worse than the awkward silence of lying next to a stranger, and trying not move is seeing him a week later…

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Casual Sex

Originally posted on Sexpectations89:

 Casual sex does not exist.

A foreign penis in your vagina is not casual. Swapping bacteria from a stranger’s mouth is not casual. Seeing someone naked before you know his last name is not casual.

 Sex is the farthest thing from casual. It is far from superficial, even though it might appear that way. The physical aspect is just one part of sex, the obvious part, but there is an emotional side to it as well. It requires sharing a part of yourself with someone else.

A penis is like a needle that pierces through the emotional walls kept deep inside of you. It can be the hand that caresses your soul or it can become your painful prison.  The penis can be the thing that makes you forget about your boring reality, or that dick can take you on a power trip. Be it, what it may…

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Why I Wrote Casual Sex Is For the Shallow

I wrote this guide because I found myself surrounded by broken hearted women and if I wasn’t surrounded by them my sister was, or my friends were. So many women hurt over sex, and what some man did to them; wanting, yearning, going crazy almost in an attempt to understand why, why not them? Why did this man choose to treat them this way and not someone else? Why had they had three or more sexual partners and no relationship? Why was he ignoring them? Why couldn’t they get over him?
In today’s society women are saturated with the shallow woman’s superficial story. Hollywood makes it look so easy: this beautiful woman has a one night stand and the guy ends up marrying her. Or she’s sleeping around with multiple partners and she has no emotional, relational or psychological issues. I wanted to use examples of women engaging in casual sex that are not represented because casual sex often times does not have a fairy tale ending. 

For some women this is real life. Theses are questions they are faced with daily. How do they answer these question?  The best thing is education, having a conversation about casual sex. Not every woman understands that casual sex is casual sex, some don’t know the meaning of  casual sex. If a woman feels rejected after a one night stand, or her friend with benefits end their arrangement and she feels hurt does that make her immature and unintelligent? No, its normal especially as a woman to experience emotional attachments especially when engaging in c sex of any kind, it  is normal to feel rejected . Having emotions and getting attached is part of being human and being able to express them in a healthy way is normal.

Women need something that will protect their minds as well as their bodies and my book is is. Happy Reading!


Guest Post – Casual Sex is for The Shallow

Kelsey Cowie:

Join the discussion :) Happy Reading

Originally posted on HarsH ReaLiTy:

I must have been born vain. From a child I always very meticulous about my appearance. I was a mean girl at 7, I remember sticking my tongue out at people that I thought in my childish mind were “ugly”. When I entered middle school I entered the awkward phase, I had silver metal braces, glasses, I was very skinny, and my clothes were far from fashionable. I was called four eyes, and brace face the usual teeny bopper teasing. In those days I was a fly on the wall observing the interactions between the sexes. And then there was High School the place where I had my sexual awakening.

I had my first casual sex encounter in highschool, it was in the boys bathroom by the weight room, I gave fellatio to a friend’s older brother. He was 18 and I was 14. I had a penis in my…

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Deconstructing the Myth: True Love Waits

If true love waits then my boyfriend of 7 years must not love me. If true love waits then my co worker who married her live in boyfriend must not really be loved. If true love waits then my manager who lived with her husband for years before tying the knot, will surely end up divorced because her husband does not truly love her. If true love waits then I should just forget about love because when it comes to sex I have a hard time saying no. If true love waits then you are saying that there is only way to love a woman which is by abstaining from sex. I guess youre saying that your way of loving is better than mine.  But then again you sound no better than the guy  that bullies me into having sex because he wants me to prove my love for him , you’re just trying to scare me into doing what you want by calling it true love.

I hate to burst your bubble but waiting until marriage does not make your husband love you anymore or any less than the next woman like myself who gave it up the first time she met her husband to be. Waiting until marriage does not mean that you will have years of marital bliss ahead of you. And if you are wondering why, sex is not the reason why my boyfriend and I have not tied the knot yet, having sex before marriage is not the reason those other couples broke up, and by practicing your chastity it won’t be the reason why you and your husband stay married or not.

If I believed this half truth, scare tactic, purity mantra, then I would have stayed believing that I was incapable of  being loved, that my relationships were never going to last all because of sex. Those three words made me second guess love that was given freely to me, those 3 words made me insecure about my relationships with men, those three words enslaved me, for years believing that the only way a man could show his love for me was by not having sex with me until I was married. But I have experienced freedom, knowing that I can have sex outside of marriage and be loved, that I can have sex while married and be loved.

I dont have a daughter, but I am a daughter, and “ True love waits” did not prevent me from having sex. And when I had sex and realized I could be loved, I felt deceived.

The motivation behind abstaining from sex should not be the expectation of receiving “true love,” and the motivation behind having sex whether it be casual sex, or sex in a relationship should not be love. Sex or lack there of does not guarantee love.

Authors Note: True love waits has nothing to do with being a Christian. God never said to experience love you must wait to be married. Sex outside of marriage is a sin, that is what is stated in the Bible. Honoring God should be the driving force to wait to have sex, not true love from a man.