Sexual Freedom

How is sleeping around sexual freedom? I think some women just like throwing the term “ sexual freedom”  around when they express their desire to have random sex with strangers  because it sounds powerful, strong and maybe it helps them rationalize making a decision that is counter productive to the meaning of  sexual freedom. I wonder, do these women know what sexual freedom is? Do they really understand what it is to be sexually empowered? How is riding random dicks freeing? If you think sexual freedom has something to do with a male penis then you are sadly mistaken because sexual freedom has nothing to do with a male or his penis.

Sexual freedom is  having the option to choose what you do with your vagina. You can choose to have sex or to abstain from it.You understand what sex means to you, and how it ties in with your mind, and body. With sexual freedom you have the ability to express  your sexuality without relying on a man or the opinion of others. Sexual freedom is taking responsibility for your sexual and reproductive health. It allows you to live with the choices you have made about your sexuality shamelessly.

Sexual freedom is not feeling like your body is your prison as you are probed by a penis. In my younger years I  believed that sleeping around was sexually freeing, sex made me feel like I had super pussy powers.In my book I talk about using casual sex as a form of escapism, an escape for me that turned into a prison. I started feeling trapped during sex. Sex became a chore, it was a job, I needed to get drunk or high to enjoy it. Feeling pressured to have sex is not sexual freedom, neither is feeling obligated to have sex with a man. Sexual freedom is having the ability to say yes but also knowing yourself well enough to know, and have the strength to say no. Is doing sexual acts you are uncomfortable with sexual freedom? Is being ashamed to leave your house and run into all the people you had casual sex with freeing? Is enduring hours of painful sex freeing? Is being treated like an object freeing? Is not being allowed to express your emotions freeing?  Is worrying about STD’s and pregnancy freeing?  If that is freedom, then I’m telling you, I’ve lived it, I’ve had it, and I don’t want it.

I want  all women to understand what sexual freedom is and to experience it. Casual sex and sexual freedom have nothing to with each it’s like apples and oranges, they are not the same and doing one does not prove the other.

I’ll Be Your Bad Girl

Kelsey Cowie:

“That was who I was when he met me.” If I was not willing to stop sleeping around for myself, why would I do it for anyone else?

Originally posted on Sexpectations89:

I’ve lived it. The bad girl that meets Mr. Nice. The guy that cleans and bandages my wounds.  A man that  believes in who I am and not what I look like.  Sounds like a fairy tale, right?

 Here I was this shallow, vain18 year-old party girl, neck deep in casual sex living in hot Arizona. And I would like to think that I was as hot as the 120 degree weather.

We met in a Target parking lot,and my bright green thong was showing. I thought that he would be just another notch in my belt. A woman as callous as myself, hardened from bed hopping, had no  self-love far less  love for anyone else.

I used to believe that being sexy was enough for me to keep him around. But little did I know that he could not bring himself to love “the bad…

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My First Book : Casual Sex Is For the Shallow

Kelsey Cowie:

Your Mind Condom for casual sex.. Written by a woman for women. Happy Reading :)

Originally posted on Sexpectations89:

Casual Sex is for the Shallowis a short guide for women on the good, the bad and the grey areas of casual sex. This guide does not mince words when it comes to explaining the reasons why your one night stand never called you back, why your friends with benefits arrangement ended with you in tears, and why the super vain, super shallow girl that you know always ends up with a boyfriend or date after her casual sex encounters. Casual Sex is for the Shallow explores the actual meaning behind the phrase “casual sex” and explores the anatomical as well the emotional aspects of sex. After reading this novelette the reader has the knowledge to make an informed choice about engaging in casual sex.

  • All you need to know about Casual Sex in less than 40 pages
  • Only Available on Amazon


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Does size matter to women when it comes to casual sex?

Kelsey Cowie:

Size does matter when it comes down to casual sex. If I don’t know you then I don’t care to deal with your “lack of size,” and I don’t care why you can’t perform for longer than five minutes. Nothing compels me to care because I don’t know you.

Originally posted on Sexpectations89:

Society puts a lot of emphasis on women to look a certain way especially when it comes to engaging in casual sex. We women have to be shaved, plucked, waxed, tanned, and toned. There is no room for imperfections. If we have noticeable imperfections we get talked about relentlessly, or we never hear from that person again. Enough of the pressure only being placed on us, when it comes to casual sex, appearance matters just as much for men as it does for women.

 I  am going to tell you a story about my friend “Billy”. He is your average twenty-three year old guy.  Sex is on his brain a lot. Like most men his age, Billy is as shallow as a teaspoon.

Billy and I were once more than just friends. We “explored” each other on an occasion or two. It didn’t work out for various reasons…

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The Difference Between A One Night Stand and Casual Sex

Sleeping Around

Sleeping around is inclusive of a one night stand and casual sex.Unlike casual sex a one night stand lasts only for one night. The expectation behind a one night stand is the hope of never seeing that person again. Casual sex is a sexual relationship without the commitment. With casual sex there is no time limit on how long this type of “ relationship” lasts.

One Night Stand

I have had very few one night stands. With a one night stand  you never have to worry about seeing that person in class,at work or elsewhere. It’s easy not to care when you don’t know the person’s name, or who they are. I would advise against having a one night stand with someone you know, a friend, a coworker, a class mate, or someone you like. One word, AWKWARD. Excuse my callousness, but I could never understand how some women cry over one night stands. Why are they crying over someone they didn’t know? And if that person was a friend or someone close to them what did they expect to come out of one night of sex? That is the harsh reality of the situation, it’s as simple and as black and white.

Casual Sex

Casual sex  is a lot more messy. Casual sex is the grey area between a one night stand and a relationship.There are lots of “strings” to sort through. With casual sex the risks are just as high because, let’s be honest sleeping around is a high risk behavior but with casual sex your feelings are more likely to get hurt. Casual sex is a sexual relationship that is superficially focused and devoid of emotion, that’s in the short the definition of what is but in reality it’s not.With casual it’s easy to be fooled into thinking that this sexually focused relationship has the potential to grow.  A lot more women have the expectation of a commitment with casual sex.

These behaviors should all be done with intent. It is not wise to have sex passively in any situation and its even worse when it is with a stranger, or with someone who does not, and cannot give you the emotional support that you need.

Sleeping around does not just happen,you don’t just fall on some guys’s random dick it is a  conscious choice.

My First Book : Casual Sex Is For the Shallow

Casual Sex is for the Shallow is a short guide for women on the good, the bad and the grey areas of casual sex. This guide does not mince words when it comes to explaining the reasons why your one night stand never called you back, why your friends with benefits arrangement ended with you in tears, and why the super vain, super shallow girl that you know always ends up with a boyfriend or date after her casual sex encounters. Casual Sex is for the Shallow explores the actual meaning behind the phrase “casual sex” and explores the anatomical as well the emotional aspects of sex. After reading this novelette the reader has the knowledge to make an informed choice about engaging in casual sex.

  • All you need to know about Casual Sex in less than 40 pages
  • Only Available on Amazon



Loose Strings

I’m so numb I can’t feel for myself far less for anyone else at times. Being numb is how I survived.Having been sex worker for a short time and being as promiscuous as I was  people always assume that I was a cold, callous and a heartless woman. Of course I had to appear to be that way I had to look out for myself. Because I never felt inclined to end a casual relationship I have a lot of loose strings left hanging around.

These strings haunt me. I’m afraid to see them again. I don’t want them to see me, the girl that has scarred herself so deeply that the skin is raised, I don’t want them to see me the size 1 that is now a size 2-3, I don’t want them to see me weak and defenseless and human. Loving someone else made me sofer, loving myself made me softer too, and being loved made me desire the tenderness and comfort of a loving relationship. I don’t like showing just anyone that I am human.

My loose strings show up at my front door unexpectedly,they call me on the phone, and message me on facebook, I even see them in them in the supermarkets. Some leave me gifts and cards wanting to know why I just stopped communicating with them ? They seem to care so much and yet I care so little. I feel an inkling of compassion for some, those who have been there since the beginning, some were even better to me than my “actual friends.” But I don’t care enough to communicate with them, I make broken promises, I say I’ll text or call, I lie and say I’ve moved, and I don’t pick up the phone.

I thought casual sex was supposed to be no strings but that’s impossible isn’t it. I share common knowledge that with each individual one, it’s not something that plagues my mind, but its stored somewhere in the back of my brain. Maybe that’s why I don’t want to be found by any of them, I don’t want to experience this person’s xray vision remembering my body, the sounds I made, the way I felt, and the things I said. I don’t want to feel that shame that my boyfriend feels when he wonders what I guy have been with and what type of sex I had with them.

I made a rule to never date a guy had casual sex with and guess what? I’m sticking to it. I made one exception, he was the only exception and thankfully he was the right exception.

This to you, all of you, every single one of my loose strings, you’re mine because our memories belong to me. I know I will be the last one to forget even though I was the first to let go. I hope you find this one day when you’re older, when I’m a fading memory, when you have a daughter of your own then maybe you will understand why I treated you the way that I did :

I hate you, or something very close to hate. You disgust me, in fact I find you very repulsive.  I don’t want to be friends with you, nor do I want to talk to you. You could never keep that disgusting thing away from me, I hate how easily you showed me  your weakness.You are bothersome, why can’t you let you?  Why can’t you leave me alone? I used you for various reasons, sex included.  You are nothing but a shameful notch in my belt, and  one number out of many. I want to hurt you. I want to give you misery. I want to give you pain even though you did nothing to me that I didn’t want and if I didn’t want it I know I never bothered to mention. I don’t get rejected, I do the rejecting so stop getting in my way and preventing me from being happy. Forget me, my sex is the only thing you know about me anyway. But if this was just casual why do I feel uncomfortable letting you go? Why can’t I face you? I don’t want to be cruel so please leave me alone.

I shared this today on my blog because this is a reality of casual sex that needs to seen, this is not gold star sticker sex, this is not a fairytale, there is nothing casual about exchanging bodily fluids with someone else.You may be like me and never admit it, but I will admit  that I feel, I have feelings, I feel bad for hurting others and it hurts letting go of , and the regret hurts too.  I wanted to give my readers a peak into my mind when I was involved  in the  casual sex lifestyle, my feelings, and thoughts then and now. Casual sex is not a game there are very real consequences that follow you, some for the rest of your life.



Thank You to My Blogger Friends

I wanted to take some time today away from posting about casual sex to thank my fellow bloggers for all of your support. I want to thank those of you that have supported me from the very beginning and I want to thank my new blogger friends. Thank you for the likes and shares, thank you for responding to my posts and to comments I’ve made. Truthfully, I have been very lonely, I’m currently in a long distance relationship, I made a lifestyle change and I have not really made any friends in person, and this past week or so I have  really felt community. I feel less alone. So thank you for talking to me and listening to my voice. I wish you all the best and the success. And I hope we can continue to chat some more :) Happy Blogging!!

Casual Sex Brought me Closer To God

Some people might find this offensive but it is my truth. When I was younger I looked down on promiscuous girls, I heard about them in my middle school classroom. I saw the girls bully some of them and I thought that because they were having sex outside of marriage that they deserved to be bullied. I may have been a dork but at least I wasn’t a whore, and I was going to heaven. I can laugh now at the thoughts of that 13 year old child. Isn’t it human nature to want to feel that we possess something that makes us better than the next person? At this point I did not understand God, I did not understand grace or mercy. I paid no attention to scripture I was going through the motions of Christianity.

Then the switch went off the fragmented memory of what happened to me when I was 9. I started acting out. I was starving myself and jumping out windows. I became one of the girls I made fun of. I was teased and bullied by some girls who thought they were doing their due diligence of reprimanding my promiscuous ways. I still went to church with my parents but I secretly started hating other Christians because of their false sense of holiness. Their obsession with purity disgusted me, your vagina being intact has nothing to do with your relationship with God. I believed in God, I prayed, I told all the boys I had sex with about God but why couldn’t I stop having sex? Did God love me less? Had He forsaken me during this time of promiscuity?

I struggled to keep my head above spiritual water. I was that lost sheep. I strayed many times and I relapsed often. My sexual experiences were getting more and more extreme. Every time I fell back into sexual sin, every time I cut myself excessively  this verse condemned me “Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation.” Mathew 14:45.  I had lost hope in myself. I had almost lost hope in God, can this God satisfy me? Did Jesus really die for me in all my sin?

Then I read the story of the woman at well, and I thought to myself I am her. I am that woman at the well searching for water that will last forever but I have been looking in all the wrong places. I was able to receive God’s grace and appreciate His mercifulness. Despite the judgment of men who could only see the superficial side of my actions God saw my heart. He saw the hurt, the pain  that fueled my sin, and He saw my heart, a heart that was crying out to Him.

Because of living a life steeped in sexual sin I am able to relate to more easily to others. I am able to offer love and a listening ear before I throw judgements at  others especially when it comes to sexual sin. I know that my words cannot convict a person of their sin only God can.

My God used someone as broken as me to help other women like myself. If God can love a woman such as myself He can love you too. He wants you. He calls the weary and burdened to come to Him. If you are tired of your lifestyle, tired of escorting, stripping, sleeping around, tired or relationships why not give God a try?

Your Identity and Sexual Abuse

Dear Abbie,
               When you were 9 something horrible happened to you. There was nothing I could do but watch because I was only a child back then too. Because I was helpless at protecting you I carried you around out of guilt for years thinking that not forgetting about that horrible day would make it up to you, make it up to myself. You were burdensome. You shaped who I was, you shaped the person I became and all the while I was growing up and going through life making the decisions of an abused 9 year old girl. I used your pain to fuel my existence, you were the reason for going on and when I wanted to die you were my excuse. I blamed you for all the bad things I had done and for all the things I could never be. I had a hard time accepting your you and in turn I could not accept myself. And as much as I resented you for being 9, and for being helpless, as much as I wanted to move on with my life I continued to hold on to you out of guilt. Abbie this is goodbye. I’m not 9 anymore. I want to give you peace. You don’t have to hover over me like a dark a cloud anymore, you don’t have to look after me anymore. I survived. I have a hopeful future ahead of me. I’m happy, and even though I will never get closure from the man that hurt you and myself, I forgive him. I forgive myself for making bad decisions that only compounded what was done to me and to you. Letting go of you does not mean that I will forget you, how can I when you are part of me. You no longer define who I am. I’m moving on to a future without you and I am leaving you in the past. Before I close the coffin on almost two decades of keeping you with me, I want to tell you that I’m sorry that happened to you, I’m so sorry.

After I was abused at 9 I soon started calling myself by my other name Kelsey, I thought that Abigail( Abbie) was an unlucky name. I will always be separated from that child, and when I describe who I know I know is myself I always want to show the separation of self which I believe is common with children who have been abused.

I think a lot adults who have been abused as children have a hard time letting go of that child that was abused. I had a conversation with a fellow blogger, I appreciate her concern for me but I don’t need anymore medication nor do I need a therapist. She wanted me to get help because I admitted that I still cut myself every now and then, I exercise obsessively sometimes, I have flashbacks when I’m about to orgasm with my boyfriend, I’m numb and I can’t feel anything when I remember what happened to me at 9 and I don’t like to use my voice to vocalize what happened to me. I’m imperfect just like the next person, I will never be healed completely. I don’t need to dwell on what happened, Im blessed to be able to move on with my life. My advice to someone who has been abused is that what happened to you as a child does not define you, should not be your motivation to live. Let go and be free that is the best gift you can give to that child and to yourself. I am the master of self medication, I have tried medication prescribed by a psychiatrist and I have tried therapy. I do not feel compelled to dwell on it any further. There are people who need medication and therapy because the abuse was so severe, or because they can’t cope and that is fine too but you will never be healed completely.We have to stop aiming for completion when we want healing from abuse, it is not possible, and that is what makes us human. You will never go back to being the person you were before the abuse and that is okay.  I will never forget and other victims out there will never forget the abuse but I don’t need to remind myself of it daily.Its okay to talk about it, cry about it, and remember it, that will never go away but you can have a life that is not inclusive of the abuse. The best thing you can do for yourself is move on if you can, and take those broken pieces and do something great with them by  helping  yourself first then helping others. Sexual abuse does not define who you are. There is hope, love, happiness, success and life after abuse.